


A Guinea Pig's Tail

by kyosukemunakata



Category: Original Work
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Animals, Cute, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Ensemble Cast, Evil Plans, F/F, F/M, Found Family, Found Footage, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Good versus Evil, Hamsters, Love Triangles, M/M, Pet Store, Romance, Slow Burn, Talking Animals, guinea pig madness, guinea pigs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:22:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25991290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyosukemunakata/pseuds/kyosukemunakata
Summary: A light-hearted adventure novel based around a group of Guinea Pigs and their fight for freedom! Meet Buster, Joey, Bertha and Princess, four spunky guinea pigs who face the wrath of the despicable Balthazar, a man hell bent on destroying their precious pet shop and taking the pets for himself!
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 1





	1. The Beginning of Balthazar

Although the pet store was cramped and dusty, the cages were spacious and warm -  
emitting the care that Old Man Roberts provided for each and every pet. Amongst the  
hustle and bustle of reptiles and birds, a large cage sat in the middle with an old  
sign that revealed to any potential customers that the inhabitants of the cage were  
in fact: "Guinea Pigs".

There were five of them, each with their own individual coats and markings. The  
guinea pigs.

"Joey?" A ginger and white speckled guinea pig emerged from his bed. "Joey, dude,  
where are you?"

"I'm over here, Buster!" The fatter and furrier of the pair, revealed itself from  
a pile of sawdust in the corner.

"Ew! That is disgusting, Joey!" A third voice piped up, a cream, long haired  
guinea pig awoke from her beauty sleep. "That food is weeks old!"

"But, Princess!" Joey whined, gobbling up some more pellets. "It will wasted if  
I don't chow it down now!"

"Ugh, boys!" Princess sighed with a flip of her hair.

"Tell me about it!" A smooth, curvy, chesnut guinea pig sauntered over, looking  
a hot mess.

"Bertha, what is up with your like fur today?" Princess looked disguted.

"Princesa!" Bertha laughed. "Relajarse, carino!"

"You know I can't speak Spanish!"

"Then learn it, amigo!" Bertha swayed her gorgeous hips. "For it's the language  
of love!"

"I'm pretty sure that's French," Princess smirked.

"I thought it was burping!" Joey let out a massive belch, to the disgust of  
the other guinea pigs.

"Oh hey, Bertha!" Buster joined the pair, his eyes drawn to the hypnotic  
movements of her hips.

"Buster! Bueno! Bueno!" She exclaimed.

"Bueno?" Buster muttered, confused.

"It means good, silly!" Bertha through back her head, her magical laugh echoing  
throughout the whole room. "I needed to ask you something!"

"Well then, ask away!" Buster grinned, looking over to Joey who gave him a  
thumbs up.

"What would happen, if we ran out of money?" Her eyes seemed to look faraway  
and sad.

"Money? We're guinea pigs! We don't need cash!" He reassured her, "anything  
we need, food, bed, you name it, Old Man Roberts buys it for us!"

"I mean, what if Old Man Roberts ran out of money?" She looked out at the clattered  
pet shop in all its jumbled glory. "What would happen to us, if he couldn't run the pet store?"

"Don't worry about it, relax! Or as you say it - Vientre grueso!" Buster gave  
her a kind smile. "It probably won't happen!"

"But I heard him say it!" Bertha protested.

"He was probably just kidding around!" Buster tried, he didn't want to believe  
what he was hearing.

"Vya que mueren gran lío fetiche!" Bertha exclaimed, her temper flaring up.

"Translation?" Buster sighed.

"You're being ignorant," she explained. "You just want to believe it's not  
happening!"

"What did he say?" Buster felt his body overcome with worry and fear.

"Last night, I was lying thinking about my child hood when I heard the  
phone ring," she recounted the previous night.

\- Last Night -

"Why is the phone ringing at this time?" Bertha thought to herself, opening her  
eyes and climbing silently out of her bed to get a look. "Probably a wrong  
number."

She watched as Old Man Roberts answered the phone and began to talk.

"Oh, so it wasn't a wrong number, puta vergüenza." She shook her head at the  
old man. "I wonder what it's about."

"Buy my pet store?" She heard him repeat in a shocked voice.

"How did you know I had money troubles?" Bertha looked on in confusion. "Heard  
it somewhere, did you? I find that hard to believe!"

"You tell em, Roberts!" She grinned.

"5 million dollars for my dusty old store?!" His voice was no longer angry but  
ecstatic.

"Don't tell me to calm down when you've offered me 5 million dollars!" Bertha's  
happiness turned to shock as she heard his next words to the unknown caller.  
"Tell your boss, yes! He can take it away as soon as possible!"

Bertha was frozen, had he just sold the pet store?

\- Present time -

"Wait, Old Man Roberts sold the pet store?!" Buster exclaimed, panicking.

"Old man did what!?" Princess overheard.

"You mean, he chose money over... Us?" Joey's solemn eyes looked out to the old  
man, who was whistling away.

"I guess he did," Buster replied, flatly.

He felt tears well up in his eyes, it wasn't the first time that money had been  
chosen over him.

"Did he say anything else?" Princess asked, after Bertha had explained it all to  
her.

"He said he would see him on Thursday," Bertha frowned.

"But Thursday is tomorrow!" Joey realised.

"What's gonna happen to us?" Princess was already shaking."This is so unfair!"

"Maybe the people who bought it will be nice?" Joey suggested, trying to calm  
Princess down.

"What if they don't know I'm allergice to peanuts?!" Princess screeched.

"Old man Roberts will tell him!" Joey comforted her.

"Don't you realise?!" She burst into tears. "Old man Roberts doesn't care  
about us!"

"Yes he does!" Joey was on the verge of tears too.

"Then why would he sell the store?" Princess sniffed.

Buster sat in his bed, gazing up at the ceiling of the bed store, he looked at  
the cracks that he'd counted every night since he had been found and rescued by Old  
Man Roberts.

"Where's the next stop, Buster?" He asked himself. "And I was sure the next move  
would be to a home."

The night arrived quickly and the morning arrived even quicker.

Today was the day that their whole future was changed.

At 11am on the dot, there was a knock at the door.

"Is that them?" Joey whispered.

"Cierra la boca , eres un cerdo gordo horrible!" Bertha hissed. "I need to hear  
them!"

There were 3 visitors - two men and a woman.

The younger of the men and the woman stood side by side behind the third visitor.  
They were both in their mid-twenties and were dressed professionaly. The man was pretty attractive and had  
floppy dark hair and stood with his arms folded, his face showed a sort of anger  
as if he thought the business deal was taking too long. The woman had long dark  
hair and Buster noted that she would've been really hot if it wasn't for the  
look of malevolence in her eyes.

But it was the third visitor that really stood out, the stout man was bald as an egg,  
the light reflected on the top of his head- creating a pool of shine and making it appear  
greasy. His face was bloted and pale, his eyes were droopy and the memory of a  
mustache sat under his bulbous nose. He wore a black suit but his sturky potbelly  
slipped over the top of his overly tight trousers. They could tell he'd eaten a  
lot of red meat when they looked at his nose.

"Balthazar Belcherton!" The man extended a greasy plump hand to Old Man Roberts.  
"Don't want to make this big deal, I'll give you the dosh and you'll be out by  
2pm?"

"2pm?!" Roberts shouted, "that isn't enough time to pack!"

"Sir, you've just been given 5 million dollars - you can buy basically anything,  
I can hardly believe you want anything from this wreck." The other man sighed.

"Exactly!" Balthazar went to pat him on the back but he backed away.

Balthazar patted his own belly with satisfaction.

"You're the rude man I spoke to on the phone!" Roberts exclaimed, "I'll have  
you know I have many valuable possesions that money can't buy!"

"Now, now!" Balthazar grinned, showing off multiple gold teeth. "No need to make  
a song and dance about it! I'm sure my workers here wouldn't mind helping you  
pack?"

"This was not part of the schedule, Balthazar!" The man protested.

"Nevermind the schedule," the lady sighed,"I don't want to touch any sticky old  
man stuff! Why don't you pack, Balthazar?"

"Why don't you two PACK it IN!" Balthazar roared, stamping his feet in a fit of  
rage.

"This is not the place to have a..." The man began.

"If you call it a tantrum, you are getting fired!" Balthazar spat. "There is a  
name for it and you better call it that!"

"Fine," he sighed, "this is not the place to have a... Balthazar Blow Out."

"Loverly!" Balthazar showed his teeth again, almost in a territorital fashion.  
"Seems you aren't useless at everything!"

He slapped the man's butt and laughed heartily, shaking his belly.

"I'll be out by 2!" Roberts assured Balthazar, "don't worry about lending any help!"

"That sounds perfect, nice doing business with you!" He shook hands once again.

Balthazar turned to the others. "I'm getting the truck and you are  
staying here - make sure there's no funny business with Santa over 'ere."

"Did he just call Old man Roberts, Santa?!" Joey exclaimed.

Balthazar left the pair and Old man Roberts went to go pack, leaving the guinea  
pigs to discuss what had happened.

"I am not living under his control!" Buster was outraged.

"He'll probably feed us on lard," Princess shuddered.

"What does he even want with this place?" Bertha thought aloud.

"I don't know but I'd love a taste of that!" Joey smacked his lips, looking at  
Balthazar's female worker.

"You disgust me," Princess snapped, but she seemed a bit jealous that his attention  
wasn't on her.

"Dudes, Bros, what's happening over here?" It was the fifth guinea pig, who had  
finally arrived.

"Marley!" Bertha greeted their silky hazelnut friend.

"What've I missed?" He smiled, his eyes a tell-tale red.

"Old man Roberts sold the pet sure to _THESE_ guys," Bertha explained, pointing to  
the lady who was now chasing the man around with a squeaky pig toy  
that made burping noises.

Suddenly there was a massive belch, louder than the rest.

The lady threw up the toy into the air in shock, which hit a poor rabbit's cage

Balthazar had returned.

"What do you two hooligans think you're doing?!" He spat.

Buster heard the rats shout in annoyance.

Bertha shook her head, her eyes sad. "He's a menace."

"Exactly," Buster replied.

By 2pm, Old man Roberts was packed and out of the pet store with no goodbyes.

"How did it come to this?" Buster looked out of the cage, they had already brought  
in more workers and they were already changing the place.

"Just shove all the fish in one tank and all the rats in one cage!" Balthazar  
ordered, "it'll be cheaper if we've got less of the bloody cages!"

"I don't want to share our cage!" Princess whined, "it's bad enough sharing  
with you guys!"

"Shove 'em all in the big cage in the middle!" Balthazar pointed to the other  
rodents in the shop and then at the guinea pig cage.

"It's gonna be too cramped!" Princess wailed, "they'll step on my fur!"

"Stop squeaking!" A husky, beefy man shoved their cage - misjudging it's weight  
and sending it to the ground.

"You fool!" Balthazar growled. "There's sawdust everywhere!"

"Bertha! Joey! Princess! Marley!" Buster called. "Are you all okay?!"

There were yes's from all of them, letting Buster breathe again knowing that there  
were no injuries.

"Where are those pesky fleas?" Balthazar looked around the pet shop for the workers  
who had accompanied him earlier. "Becky! Kevin! You are supposed to be keeping an eye on things!"

"You just told us to move these lizards?"

Balthazar snarled in response to the reply.

"You're not doing any MOVING!" Becky shoved more lizards into their new cage.

"Then if you're not doing anything, go pick up the cage, Kevin!" Balthazar spat.

"Fine." Kevin walked over to the guinea pigs.

"About time!" Princess growled.

He began to try and pick up the cage but found it was heavier than he could handle, after all the female guinea pigs were really full of something good.

Balthazar roared from across the room, "PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT!"

"I'M TRYING!" Kevin shouted back.

"Well you're not trying hard enough!" Balthazar shook his head. "Those guinea  
pigs are the reason we bought the place, try harder!"

"I have a plan," Bertha whispered. "Just watch and follow my lead!"

Bertha stood up on her hind legs and began to move her body in hypnotic rhythms,  
shaking her hips and swaying them from side to side. She threw back her head and  
tossed her sleek fur back and forth. Princess caught on, she too stood up and  
began to shake around slowly, her curves showing beneath her long fur as she  
joined the same rhythm as Bertha. Joey, Buster and Marley slowly joined in a  
way which fit into the movement of their hips as they swayed their heads and rolled  
their eyes back in pleasure.

"If we seduce him, he'll drop the cage and we can escape!" Buster realised the plan.

"T-the guinea pigs," Kevin started, "th-they're d-d-"

"The guinea pigs are WHAT?!" Balthazar looked up from his paperwork. "Spit it out!"

"They're dancing!" Kevin replied, "I think they're doing some sort of joint suicide!"

"What are you even on?!" Becky laughed.

"Dance harder, we're not being seductive enough!" Bertha hissed.

This time they put their hips into and moved even faster as if the silent beat was  
speeding up. Bertha got on all fours and then onto her two front legs with her hind legs in the air,  
she then spread them open wide and began to vibrate intensely. Their bodies were  
connected in silence although in their minds the music played louder.

Bertha dropped to the ground, ready to do her special dance move - she began to rotate  
round using her hips rythym to move herself in circles, shaking her thighs from side to side.

Kevin dropped the cage in a state of shock and horror.

"Nailed it!" Buster grinned, the cage itself had loosened and they could easily  
climb out.

"Marley, go first," Bertha encouraged him. Buster sighed to himself - seeing  
the way she cared for him so deeply.

Marley lifted up the cage and crawled out, waiting for the others.

"Princess, go next," instructed Bertha, being the true leader she was.

Princess walked to the cage but to her dismay the cage was now back to being locked.

"What happened?" Princess exclaimed, "why won't it lift!?"

"It's locked itself from the force of Marley closing it," Bertha realised.

"Come on, guys!" Marley called from the floor, "there's no time to loose!"

"We can't," Buster replied, "it's locked again!"

"Free yourself," Bertha ordered, "get help!"

"Anything for you, Bertha." Marley smiled a sad smile, smoke drifting from his mouth.

Marley ran away unseen, dodging past feet and cages that were left on the floor.

"I believe in him," Bertha said, firmly. "Marley can save us!"

"Kevin!" Balthazar barked, noticing he was still standing there - staring at the cage.  
"Go do something you can handle, I'll deal with the pigs!"

"Oh no," Joey shuddered. "We're gonna get eaten!"

"What makes you say that?" Buster looked confused.

"Have you seen his belly?!" Joey shook his head in horror. "And I thought my belly  
was chunky!"

Balthazar strode over to them and picked up the cage easily. He pushed his face up  
against the bars, backing the guinea pigs into the corner.

"If it isn't my special rats!" He smiled, slyly. "You'll make me a fortune!"

"What's he talking about?" Princess whispered.

"You're guess is as good as mine," Buster replied.

"Conejillos de indias por debajo de la tela!" Bertha said, her eyes wide.

"Translation?" Joey gave a frustrated sigh. 

"He wants to sell us for our fur!" Bertha explained. "That must be it!"

"For our fur?" Buster asked.

"For our fur," Bertha replied.

Balthazar walked away, he could see the money piling up already. How could  
that old man be so foolish? If only he had realised the guinea pigs could've  
made him so much more than 5 million dollars.

"About that room of his," Balthazar muttered under his breath, walking up the  
steps that led to the room above the pet store - Old Man Robert's house.

The room was small and still had much of his belongings left behind.

"Pea-brained fool if I've ever met one!" Balthazar chuckled, ripping the floor  
up with his bare hands. "Had he also known about the secrets beneath the ground,  
he'd never have given away the place!"

Beneath the floorboards, there were plants growing, somehow watered by the humidity  
and strange dampness that old places contain. The plants intertwined with each other  
with vibrant green leaves and crimson red berries.

"Together with you and the guinea pigs, I'll be the richest man alive!" Balthazar spoke  
to the plant.

From his pocket, Balthazar took out a long wooden flute, he pressed it against his puckered lips  
and began to play a soft, melodic tune. Upon hearing the notes, the plant began to stir, it's branches moving like snakes and  
seeping down to the pet store below.

"Yes! Good work! Very good!" Balthazar praised the plant between playing his song.

Finally the centre of the plant, rose up from within it's labyrinth of leaves.

"At last!" Balthazar burped with glee.

The centre of the plant emitted a large ripe berry, full of juice.

Balthazar took it and smiled.

"Now to test it out!" He squeezed a small fraction of the precious juices from it  
and began to rub it over his belly.

"And now we wait," he snarled, sitting himself down as he watched his potbelly grow  
in size.

A toothy smile spread across his greasy face.

"Just right," He said and nodded, placing the berry into his briefcase and trudged back downstairs.

But downstairs was not just right. It was chaos.

The plants tentacle like branches had reached the pet store and was now wreaking havoc.

"SILENCE!" He roared.

The whole place stopped.

"Everyone be quiet," He ordered, looking around, "where are Becky and Kevin?"

"I'm over here!" Becky called from atop the guinea pig cage. "What the hell is this  
thing?!"

"Nothing that concerns you!" Balthazar growled, "where. Is. Kevin?!"

"He's over there." Becky pointed to the fish tank section.

Kevin had also managed to avoid the plant by standing on the shelf packed with fish food.

Balthazar shouted, "why are you both so careless!"

Inside the cage, the plant had gotten hold of Bertha and had wrapped itself around her and pulled her against the side of  
the cage, the branches slithering up her and crucifying her to the bars.

"Bertha!" Buster yelled, trying to fight of the branches.

"Buster!" She moaned, helpless against the plants.

Balthazar was frantically trying to pull the branches away from the different cages.

"Stop trying to pull them off!" Kevin shouted. "It's obviously not working at all!"

"Don't you order me around!" Balthazar tugged relentlessly at the vines.

"If you all hadn't been so foolish and careless none of this would've happened!" Balthazar stamped his foot, his face going red with rage.

He took the flute out of his pocket and began to play the same melancholic tune. The plant began to retract itself and return to the attic where it came from.

"It's working!" Joey gasped.

Balthazar finished the tune, and put the flute away. The plant had returned and Balthazar stood amongst the aftermath of it all.

"Finalmente!" Bertha breathed as she dropped to the floor of the cage.

"Sylvester," Balthazar muttered under his breath.

"Excuse me?" Kevin had jumped off his shelf in time to catch the bald man whisper to himself.

"That tune," Balthazar spat, "it's called 'Sylvester'."

"Nevermind that!" Becky exclaimed, "what just happened?"

"Clear this up, dirty dogs!" Balthazar ordered to all his workers. "No questions asked!"

"I guess this is how we're living now," Buster sighed, "we're gonna have to get used to sharing."

"No one's sharing my food!" Joey burped, greedily. "That's for sure!"

Balthazar took aside Becky and Kevin, his face red and bulging with anger - veins  
on display.

"Now I know how irresponisble you two can be, I want you to go out and find someone who will run this pet shop for a cheap price."  
His anger turned to sly happiness. "Just until my plan is perfected."


	2. A New Face in the House

"Well I hope these people give us better food!" Joey said. "Mhmm I could do with a good lasagna.."

"We're in this pig pen and all you care about is FOOD?! Ugh, Joey! You make me sick!" Princess cried "But then again I do hope they remember my low fat all natural vegan diet.."

"Eh I could get used to it in here.."

"Marley?! I thought you escaped!" The rest of the guinea pigs chorused in surprise.

"The door was closed." Marley shrugged, taking a drag of his dandelion.

"Ughhhh did we really expect anything else?" Bertha sighed in her gorgeous Spanish drawl. Her voluptuous body swaying in annoyance.

"It's Marley after all. He tried his best though, I'm sure!" Buster said, giving Marley a pat on the back.

"You bet I tried." Marley laughed.

The radio suddenly began to blast the familiar tune of 'Boom Boom Pow' by the Black Eyed Peas. The guinea pigs ears perked up at the sound of the music. Dancing time!

Bertha began to sway her curvaceous hips, every curve on her body in sync to the music. A piece of lettuce fell out of Buster's mouth in awe. Wow. Joey got down and began to do his signature dance move, the worm. He was undoubtably great at it, but it was the only dance he could do and he usually ended up throwing up after.

Buster got up and began to dab aggressively in time to the music. All the other pets in the enclosure began to clap at his awesome moves. Bertha began to grind her body against Buster, who was getting so flustered he almost fell over, but he had to keep on going to the end of the song.

Marley was swinging his matted dreadlocked hair to the left and right. This wasn't his usual kind of music ( reggae ) but the beat was funky enough so he couldn't complain.

The other rodents began to cheer for Bertha and her curvaceous body while she started to do her special move. And the song finally ended. A huge cheer erupted from the cage.

"What's going on over there?!" Becky asked Kevin. "Am I going to have to deal with this every day?!"

"I have no idea." Kevin sighed.

"Hey did you ever find out what that deal with the plant was? " Becky asked.

"Nope but I mean it is Balthazar, we'll probably never find out." Kevin shook the guinea pig's cage in attempt to stop the cheering.

"I still don't get why we're even here." Becky grumbled.

"Oh come on, Becky, you can't be that stupid? He's explained it at least six times!" He was getting increasingly angry as the guinea pigs continued to clap and holler.

"Yeah, yeah, but I just wish we weren't in some mouldy old pet shop." Becky said.

"SHUT UP FOR GOD'S SAKE." Kevin yelled at the guinea pigs before turned back to Becky. "True, this really is one of the worst kept businesses I've ever come across."

"Like they know anything about businesses!" Joey laughed, spitting out a pellet of food whilst he did.

"Yeah, you go Joey, you tell 'em!" Buster said, although he didn't exactly know what he was talking about.

After a few more minutes of complaining, Kevin and Becky decided they'd had enough and were going to go and buy lunch because "I don't care what Balthazar says, he's not here and he can't stop us".

"This is our chance!" Buster exclaimed.

"Chance?" Joey mumbled his mouth full of food. "For what?"

"To escape of course!" Buster shoved the food right out of Joey's mouth with a backflip.

"No can do, Buster me old friend!" Joey laughed. "I promised Princess I would teach her to burp!"

"Princess? Burping? I think you've been spending too much time near Marley!" Buster replied.

"Nope! This is totally true!" Joey explained. "I was confused too at first, I thought it was joke but turns out she thinks it'll come in handy if we gotta fight Balthazar - burping really seems to be his strong point ya know?"

"Whatever you say, loser." Buster rolled his eyes.

"Just you wait and see!" Joey called as his friend walked away.

"Joey?" Princess arrived just as Buster left.

"It is I!" Joey spat food. "Here for your burping lessons, my lady?"

"Yes!" She hissed. "But keep it down, this is a secret, remember?"

"Of course!" Joey tapped his nose.

Later on once Becky and Kevin had returned with their food, the guinea pigs had gathered to discuss the situation.

"Boy do I want a milkshake." Joey announced.

"Well it's pretty hard to find one of those round here. Unless you count Bertha's chest." Joey grinned. Bertha gasped.

"'Ello there! You were quite the dancer there!" Said an unfamiliar British accent. "My name's Harold. Nice to meet ya!"

The Guinea pigs turned to see a fat ginger hamster sitting there drinking a pint of beer.

"Hey Harold. My name's Buster and I'm the leader of this gang." Buster introduced himself, holding out his paw for Harold.

"Uhh I think you'll find the sensible and smart leader is me." Bertha said, shaking her head in disdain at the filthy swine. "My name is Bertha."

"A fine name for a fine young lady." Harold said, taking a sip of his beer.

"Oi, Kevin, where did you get that food from? I don't remember this shop selling Starbucks." Balthazar said, entering the building.

Kevin sighed and threw his drink quickly in the bin before it was thrown at him.

"Get back to work you rats!" Balthazar yelled, lighting a large cigar and leaving the room. "And no more leaving the shop without permission"

Suddenly a small bell chimed, announcing a visitor.

A young man in his mid twenties with short black hair walked in. He was wearing a dark blue hoodie and jeans. He was an extremely average looking guy. But he seemed determined and somewhat excited. He began to walk over to the counter as the guinea pigs heads followed him. (A/N not their literal heads you know what I mean!)

"So I saw a poster on your window about a job a-and I was wondering if I could apply." The man said nervously.

"Well we're actually pretty desperate right now. But I'll have to ask my boss." Kevin told the young man.

"Is he nice?" The man said, looked even more worried.

"I wouldn't use that word." Kevin replied.

"That is not very comforting..." The man shook his head. "My name is Adam, by the way. Dude, you don't even know how long I've been looking for a job. And in a pet shop too? It's perfect! I love animals so much though when I had to look after my friends goldfish in third grade he ended up dying but it wasn't my fault exactly I just gave him the wrong food. Bu-"

"Thanks for the information..." Kevin said, uninterested in this stranger's story.

"Oh sorry, dude, I'm just nervous." Adam looked scared.

"You think I can't tell?" Kevin gestured to the man's forehead. "You're practically a waterfall up there."

"But can I get an interview or wha-"

"Ya got the job boy. Now sort this place out will ya?" Said a voice from behind Adam as he was greeted by a firm and forceful pat on the back. There stood Balthazar.

"Seriously?! Thank you, sir!" Adam said, trying to hug the man.

"Now get to work you rat!" Balthazar shook him off.

Adam began to explore the pet shop first. Taking in all the animals around him. A red parrot sat perched in it's cage. Adam let a gasp escape his mouth.

It was bath time in the guinea pig cage.

"Hey, Buster, dude." Joey whispered, tapping his friend's side. "If we're lucky we can get a peek of the ladies taking a bath!"

"..That's terrible, Joey.. But it's genius!" Buster exclaimed, an excited glint appearing in his eye.

There was a shower system in the enclosure, and Buster and Joey began to make their way over. They tried to be sneaky and careful but it was hard to contain their excitement.

When they arrived at the shower there was a perfect hole to peek through.

"Hah it's like they created that for a reason!" Joey winked. The two guys placed their eyes to the wall and and there jaws dropped.

The steamy hot water dropped onto Bertha's chestnut coat, soaking it and defining all her curves. She swayed her gracious hips from side to side as she began to sing a more soulful rendition of 'Boom Boom Pow'.

"Yum." The two male guinea pigs said in unison and licked their lips.


	3. Parrots and Panties

"We gotta stop creeping on Bertha so much," Buster sighed as the pair walked away from the shower. "One of us needs to just ask her out!"

"Ask her out?" Joey replied, wide eyes. "Dude, she's all yours! I have my eyes set only on a certain Princess and also a big lasagna!"

Buster laughed as Joey began to mime chowing down a mountain of hot food, even adding a real burp at the end.

"That Adam guy seems alright," Buster was in a brighter mood today. "Much better than farmer girl and that twink!"

"Why "farmer" girl?" Joey asked.

"I don't know," He had a faraway look. "I just think she'd look pretty good in a farmer outfit."

Joey nodded, somewhat confused, and they met up with Marley and Princess.

"What took you so long?" Princess whinged. "You said you were just telling a gross joke to Buster!"

"Lets just say we'll never hear 'Boom Boom Pow' without our hearts going 'Boom Boom Pow'!" Buster winked.

"I don't even wanna know." Princess said, flipping back a stray hair.

"So other than that hamster dude, who else are we sharing with?" Buster changed the subject.

"Umm... there's like two mice, five RATS and some weird gerbil thing." She counted off on her fingers.

"So not that many?" Joey breathed in a sigh of relief.

"Not many to you!" She sniffed. "They probably won't let me a havde a wink of beauty sleep!"

Buster looked around, the mice seemed to be practising acrobatics. He watched in awe as they began to spread their legs open wider than he'd ever seen Bertha do.  
The mice stuck their shapely buttocks into the air and began to roll on their heads, it made him feel hot and flustered so he decided to look away.

On the other side of the cage, the rats were all lazing around, stuffing their gobs with cheese they'd found somewhere. Buster shuddered as he thought of where that somewhere might've been, for some reason, Balthazar's bottom came into mind.

"Psst!" Buster looked around in confusion. "Up here, shortie!"

He looked up to see the parrot in the cage next to them, waving a wing at him.

"Um, hi?" Buster said. "What is it?"

"Could you, perhaps get the attention of a certain saucy momma?" The parrot asked, winking.

"Bertha?" Buster replied, annoyed.

"Bertha? Who the hell's that!"

"Oh, just a friend, who did you mean then?" Buster wished he could've told him "that's my girlfriend!".

"That sexy tortoise in the cage over there!" The parrot laughed.

Buster looked behind him and could make out the top of a tortoise in the cage next to him.

"I'm Jackson by the way," The parrot introduced. "I'm a triple threat! Dancing, singing and ladies man!"

"I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be 'acting' not 'ladies man'." Buster said. "I'm Buster and I guess I'm just your average G-pig!"

"Well I wouldn't really be a threat if I couldn't steal you're girl in a heartbeat!" Jackson grinned. "Anyway, nice to meetcha, Bust!"

"So what do you want me to say?" He asked.

"Just say, a certain foxy fella has been checking you out all day!"

"On it!" Buster smiled, glad to help a dude out.

He reached the cage and coughed to alert the tortoise of his presence.

"Ahem!"

"Yes?" The tortoise had a smooth, southern drawl - like rich chocolate.

"Um, that parrot over their told me to tell you," Buster was taken about by her saucy hips. "He's been admiring you all day!"

"He thinks I can't see him droolin' all o'er me like a hog!" She chuckled. "You tell 'im I've been keeping an eye on 'is ass too!"

"Oh, er, thanks!" Buster was still in shock, who knew tortoises could be so hot?

"Back South, they used to call me Peaches," She drawled. "What's your name, lil fella?"

"B-buster!" He managed, watching her neck escape further from her shell, her skin soft and he found himself wishing it was her ass escaping from the shell instead.

"Buster, eh?" Peaches smiled. "Wouldn't mind sharing a corndawg with you one time!"

Buster returned to Jackson with the message.

"Well, well, well!" Jackson laughed. "I'm not surprised, have you seen these feathers?!"

Buster smiled, shaking his head at the bird's antics.

"Good luck with Bertha!" He called. "One day you'll be more than 'just friends'!"

"One day..." Buster thought to himself.

Outside of the cage, Adam was already settling in and right now was making an emotional phone call to tell his folks he finally had a job.

"And they just hired me on the spot!" He grinned. "No, Mom, it's not a scam!"

Balthazar was awfully proud at how quickly his plan was in action and had been nailing up a "No entry" sign on the attic for the past 15 minutes.

"Were you aware that you have the ability to lower your voice or did your parents forget to tell you that?" Kevin sighed as Adam began to holler at the phone, making occasional hooting noises.

Adam covered the phone's speaker and turned to him. "Look, this is the first job I've had in years, at least let me celebrate!"

"Really? I'm utterly shocked." Kevin smirked.

"Shut up." Adam snapped.

"I can't hear myself think!" They heard Balthazar shout from the stairs as he made his way down. "Kevin, shut up and leave the newbie alone, not every man wants to date you."

"Date me?!" Kevin exclaimed. "How many times have I told you I'm not gay!"

"Then stop acting it!" He roared.

"I have a girlfriend so back off!" Adam said, in mock horror.

Becky walked in holding a bag of hamster food, placing it on the counter. "Just admit it already, you know you'll have to eventually."

"All I asked was for you all the shut up!" Balthazar's face grew red and his veins began to bulge.

"Um, I didn't even do anything, I just got here." Becky said.

"Balthazar, calm down." Kevin backed away from Balthazar's temper tantrum that was about to begin.

"Don't you tell me to calm down!" Balthazar moved closer.

Adam had ended his phone call to watch and Becky moved strategically behind the counter .

"Hey Buster!" Joey called from the front of the cage. "Come check this out!"

"It better be Bertha in a bikini!" Buster grinned.

"Don't get you're hopes up!" He laughed, pointing out Balthazar was now smashing up an empty bird cage as Kevin slowly moved backwards until he had joined Becky.

"What is going on now?!" Buster gasped.

"Well, from what I've heard," Joey replied. "Balthazar is not enjoying the loudness."

"Dear Lord!" Bertha approached the two. "If I have to see that man go wild one more time, I'll, I'll..."

"You'll what?" Buster said.

"I'll twerk and show off these curves for six hours straight!" She growled, looking at the chase going on.

Joey and Buster exchanged grins and began to chant: "Balthazar! Balthazar!"

"If you're that desperate, chicos, then I'll give you a lap dance right now!" Bertha shook her hips, winking at the two drooling boys.

"Well if you're offering, I mean who wouldn-" Buster was interrupted by a loud crash.

Kevin and Becky decided it had gotten to the point where Balthazar would not notice them leaving and began to edge closer to the door.

"NOT SO FAST!" Balthazar spat, spinning round to face the door.

"Damnit." Kevin cursed.

"Balthazar, please, there's a sale in at least 3 clothes shops right now." Becky whined.

"You think I care?" Balthazar screeched. "I'm you're boss! Don't forget it, filthy swine!"

"Why does he always use animals as insults?" Bertha looked away in disgust.

"I don't want to know!" Joey looked as if he was about to throw up his meal of sunflower seeds.

"Clothes shopping!" Adam smirked. "And you say you're not gay!"

"Give up, Adam." Kevin replied. "No one wants the opinion of someone who lives in his parent's basement."

"Get back to work, worthless slugs!" Balthazar snarled.

Buster sighed, if only Bertha had kept to her words and given him the lap dance.  
He trudged to his bed, imagining Bertha's soft chestnut hips rubbing up against his thighs.

He remembered Jackson's words from before. "One day she'll be my girlfriend!"


	4. Under New Management

A few days had passed and the guinea pig gang were beginning to adjust to their new lifestyle. Adam had turned out to be quite a good worker and had cared for them exceptionally well. So well in fact that Balthazar decided to put him in charge - much to the dismay of Becky and Kevin.

"Guess who's the new sheriff in town!" Adam said with a wide grin on his face.

He shoved the pin that read "Manager" into Kevin's face.

"So I won't be taking any orders from you two, you wretched rats!" He chuckled. "I guess Balthazar's starting to rub off on me!"

"I'm still your superior, I've worked for Balthazar for five years!" Kevin said, sulkily.

"M, A, N, E, R, G, E, R!" Adam ignored him, dancing around the counter.

"And you can't even spell it right!" Becky smirked.

"I've decided we need a uniform," Adam took a box out from under a table, placing it in front of them. "So I bought you two these!"  
Out of the box, he took two blue t shirts that read "Ask me about my animals".

The pair suddenly realised that Adam was also wearing one.

"I wouldn't be caught dead in that disgusting rag!" Kevin protested, pointing the eyesore.

"That's such a gay thing to say." Adam reminded him of the cold hard truth.

"Adam, you are so weird, "Ask me about my animals"? What are you on about?" Becky laughed.

"What's not to like!" He laughed. "It's snappy and quick and it makes you tick!"

"Your rhyming is doing nothing to convince me." Kevin informed him. "I wouldn't even wear it if you told me you found it in a supermodel's closet."

"You'd know all about closets wouldn't you? And you bloody well are wearing it too!" Balthazar stomped the stairs, his belly on show beneath his shirt.

Adam grinned. "Bingo!"

The guinea pig's watched in disgust as Balthazar tackled Kevin to the ground.

"I'm staying 'ere until you agree to it, swine!" Balthazar placed his big behind on Kevin, trapping him on the floor. "And you're next Becky!"

Becky zoomed away to put on the shirt.

He'd barely touched him before Kevin was shouting that he would wear it.

"Why do we have to see things like this!" Joey burped. "I mean I hate that guy but Balthazar sitting on you is too extreme for anyone!"

"My poor eyes can't take any more of this torture!" Princess wailed in distress.

Buster looked on in anger, he had heard Princess and Bertha say that they secretly thought Kevin was really hot. It made him jealous to hear Bertha talking about someone else like that - even though he knew she had a crush on Marley and he was pretty sure Kevin was gay.

Kevin had returned and he was wearing the shirt, the guinea pigs had never seen someone look so angry.

Adam looked very proud of the uniform and even Balthazar let out a mighty belch of approval.

"Maybe now you're dressed like that, you'll actually get some work done!" Balthazar leered (A/N or jeered if ya want).

"The exact opposite." Kevin rolled his eyes.

Balthazar snarled, spitting on a tortoise.

"Where's Becky!?" Adam said excitedly, hoping that she had changed her mind once the shirt was on and would then decide to profess her love to him.

Becky opened the door, her t shirt no longer read "Ask me about my animals" and instead was completely blue.

Joey clapped his hands in excitement. "Now that's what I wanna see!"

"I wouldn't mind Bertha in that little get up!" A devious grin spread across Buster's face, as he pictured Bertha on her knees in a blue shirt.

"I would never wear such a scandalous thing!" Bertha scoffed, swaying those hips of hers. "But if you begged, I might..."

She left the boys to fantasize her sauntering around, a seductive steamy hot mess.

"Where's the logo?" Adam looked appalled.

"Oops, I guess I spilled some paint on it!" Becky grinned.

"Enough of this silly fashion nonsense!" Balthazar roared. "Back to work, lazy slobs!"

Adam, Becky and Kevin scurried off to do their duty to the red bulging man.

A loud bang echoed through through the store, a wooden dog chew had fallen to the ground - right below the guinea pig cage.

"Será tornero es un adulto bebé!" Bertha shrieked in fear.

"Translation?" Buster asked.

"Darn it to frick!" She explained as Buster nodded watching her massive hips.

"Ugh, you stupid mice probably knocked that off on purpose, didn't you?" Kevin sighed, angrily.

"No we did not!" Joey said, indignantly. "And we are not mice!"

Kevin picked up the toy and threw it at Adam across the room, hitting him in the head.

Joey screamed, covering his eyes in horror while Princess swooned and fainted with delight.

"He's so strong!" Princess giggled.

"He's gay." Joey murmured, angrily.

"Ouch! You douche!" Adam rubbed his head.

"Sorry, it slipped." Kevin laughed.

"Adam you're such a cuck" Becky gave Kevin a high five.

The little bell jingled as a family walked in.

"Everyone! Act cute!" Buster yelled as they began to dance for the visitors.

"No, chico, act sexy!" Bertha grinned as she began open her legs as wide as she could, competing with the mice who had began to also spread open their silky legs displaying what should be left up to our imagination. They all began vibrate intensely, the mice grinding up against Buster in perfect harmony. The mice began to shake their derrieres, milking their bodies for what they're worth. The smaller mouse began to lap at the water bottle before crawling up it and spreading it's legs, violently. The second of the pair then crawled up to the first and connected feet and then did the splits so they created a diamond with their widely spread curvaceous legs and bodacious bodies. Buster felt his throat heat up as he found his eyes glued to the movement of Bertha's rump which was moving carefully to the rhythm that Marley was creating.

But was all in vain, because the family were looking at Kevin's "Ask me about my animals" T shirt.

"Um, I don't think that's appropriate!" The mother covered her child's eyes.

Kevin looked at them strangely.

"What do you mean?!" Adam looked offended.

"Mommy, why does that man want us to ask him about the animals?!" The little girl cried.

"Actually, he wants you to ask him about HIS animals!" Adam corrected. "Just like we all do, because we treat these animals as if they are our own!"

Adam gestured to his own shirt.

"We'll be leaving and expect a complaint from us!" The mother strode out the door, dragging the traumatized children behind.

"Adam, you suck." Kevin said. "Literally. At everything."

"I'm not so sure about that," Adam laughed. "And by the way, I'd like to inform you - you're gay!"


	5. Seeking Help

Although he was beginning to get used to Adam as their new manager, Buster couldn't quite shake off the feeling that something wasn't quite right about all this. From the strange phone calls that only Balthazar answered to the strange going ons of the attic above them - he knew there was something fishy going on. They now knew that Balthazar was the owner of a big business that took over smaller businesses - a greedy business they disagreed with, so what was a big businessman doing at a pet store?

"I say we investigate!" Joey said, heroically.

The guinea pigs had called a meeting for all the rodents of the cage to discuss what was going on.

"You can't just say lets investigate, Joey!" Bertha shook her head, disapprovingly. "You've to give us a plan, something to work on or else it''s useless to our cause!"

"I agree with the lady." Harold said, taking a sip of his beer. "It don't do nothin' to say but not do, you get me?"

Buster struggled with his thick English accent but found himself agreeing anyway.

"I say we forget it and just eat!" One of the rats suggested, deepthroating a lump of cheese.

"Sounds like a plan to me!" Joey grinned, high fiving the rat.

"A pox on you! A pox on you!" A shrill voice came from underneath the sawdust. "To spend the day at rest is much man's greater sin than to search for what lies ahead in vain!"

"Translation?" Buster found himself asking someone other than Bertha.

A dark grey and white collared gerbil emerged from the lump of sawdust. "In short, it is better to try and fail than to do nothing at all!"

"Exactly!" Bertha grinned, sauntering to the middle of the circle. "We must try at least and return as heroes!"

"Wise words, young lady but are you sure you know what you mean?" The gerbil said. "To quest only for titles is not a quest at all but a personal gain!"

Bertha clenched her jaw in anger, trying not to shout back.

"Who do you think you are, saying that kind of stuff to Bertha?!" Buster was outraged.

"She can take it, if she couldn't she would not proclaim herself a hero!" He replied. "Who am I? For I am The Sawduster!"

"The Sawduster?!" The guinea pig's chorused.

\- A year ago -

"Buster!" Bertha called, her voice worried. "Buster! Where's Bailey?!"

"Wait, calm down," Buster soothed. "What do you mean where's Bailey?"

"I can't find him anywhere!" Bertha's breaths were short.

"Have you checked his bed?" Suggested Joey, approaching the pair - Marley and Princess by his side.

"Not yet." Bertha managed, between sobs.

"Then what are you worrying about?" Buster laughed. "You know how he loves to sleep!"

"You're probably right." She smiled. "Can we go and check, just to make sure?"

The five guinea pigs walked over to Bailey's bed and found it to be... Empty.

"Vientre rechoncho vientre gordito!" Bertha exclaimed in shock.

"Where is he?!" Princess wailed.

"Wait!" Buster looked closer. "There's a note!"

_Dear Marley, Buster, Princess, Joey and Bertha,_

_If you're reading this then I'm long gone, don't come after me and don't try and find me. I'm sorry I've left you so suddenly but I know I had to. Last night I escaped from the cage, a bar was broken and I made my way out, while exploring the pet store I decided to check out a cage at the very back of the shelf - which was seemingly empty. I opened it up easily (being on the outside and what not) and climbed in to explore but what I found was the change was in fact not empty at all. There was a occupant and that occupant was 'The Sawduster'. He told me things I needed to know and places I needed to go. Now I know I'm not just a normal hamster, I have a life to fulfill outside of this pet store and so do you! Hopefully you too will one day meet your own metaphorical Sawduster and find your own destiny._

_Thank you for making my time in this wretched cage bareable,_

_Bailey._

\- Present day -

"So that was you?" Joey gasped. "You were the one who spoke to Bailey!"

"I remember the boy well." The Sawduster smiled, fondly. "He spilled out his whole life to me for some apparent reason, I told him he had a potential outside of this pet store and he should use it."

"Where did he go?" Bertha questioned.

"I wouldn't know," He replied. "A traveller does not reveal his path to the oracle but the oracle reveals the traveller's path to him, that's just how it works!"  
"I miss Bailey!" Princess whined. "He wasn't disgusting like you guys!"

"Thanks for the compliment." Buster said.

"So what do you insist we do?" Bertha asked. "I haven't heard any ideas from you?"

"You are a feisty one aren't you?" The Sawduster laughed. "To begin your quest my only advice is to befriend the only friend you have in the enemy!"

With that, The Sawduster dug back underneath the sawdust, out of sight.

"Hey, don't leave us with some riddle!" Exclaimed Buster, he scrabbled at the floor to try and find him but there was nothing but the usual sawdust and no Sawduster to be found.

"How did he do that!?" Joey burped. "He went away faster than the food on my plate!"

"Ugh!" Princess groaned. "Why do you always bring food into EVERYTHING!"

"I like my food." Joey replied.

"A bit too much." Princess muttered.

"What did he mean 'befriend the only friend you have in your enemy'?" Bertha was confused. "What are those idots gonna be able to do for us? They're the ones we're investigating!"  
"Maybe he didn't mean them!" Buster realised. "I think he meant Adam!"

"I think you're onto something!" She grinned. "He isn't in on whatever they're up to! He could help us!"

"You're a genius, Bertha!" Princess said.

"You pronounced Buster weirdly." Buster muttered as his credit was all given to Bertha.

"How are we going to ask him to help us?" Joey pointed out the obvious fault in the plan. "We're guinea pigs!"  
"Can I give a little suggestion, pal?" Harold piped up. "How about you's use a bit of the ol' writin'!"

"Great idea, Harold!" Bertha was on a roll. "Who has the neatest handwriting?"

Everyone looked at Princess.

"What?!" She exclaimed. "Why are you all staring at me? DO I HAVE A BUG IN MY HAIR?!"

"No!" Bertha reassured her. "It's just you have really neat handwriting!"

"Oh!" Princess smiled. "Well I wouldn't say it's _really_ neat but..."

"Spare us the modesty, Princess!" Buster groaned.

"This is where you two come in, Dip and Dot!" Bertha indicated to the two mice. "You two can perform one of you're dance routines to attract his attention and then we can hold up the sign."

"Yes, Sir!" They saluted, giggling.

The plan was practically perfect, all they needed to do was carry it out.

"Wow, you were so good as a leader!" Buster complimented Bertha as the pair walked off.

"Was I? I thought I was a bit too bossy." Bertha said.

"Maybe a bit..." He grinned, mischievously.

"Shut it, chico!" She giggled, walking off to her bed.

"One day, I'll be following her in there!" Buster whispered to himself, watching her hips sway in rhythmic motion, curvy and luscious like always.

"Still not as curvy as Princess!" Joey joked, as he arrived next to Buster.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Buster laughed. "Have you seen that ass?"

He indicated to the last glimpse of Bertha's rounded rump as she went into her bed.

"Mmhmm..." Joey sighed in delight. "She may have that ass but she lacks the royalty."

"I'd choose a big ass ass over royalty anyday!" Buster grinned.

The next morning was the day they put their plan into action, Princess had written a sign that "We need your help Adam!" in her beautiful, curvy writing - not as a curvy as Bertha, Buster noted.

"Alright, Dip and Dot!" Bertha grinned. "Begin your dance!"

Dip spread open her legs and start to shake them vigorously while slamming her body against the floor. Dot started to move her hips in slow circles as she moved her hands to the rhythm. It was perfect.

"I can't be the only who sees these weird fits they have everyday." Kevin shook the cage to try and make them stop.

"Don't shake the cage!" Adam shouted. "I once did that when I was five with a bird cage and the bird got serious head injuries and we had to take it -"

"Why do we always have to hear about your boring life?" Kevin groaned, interrupting the story.

Adam ignored him and walked over to see what he had been talking about.

"Ugh, don't come near me." Kevin gagged. "Do you know how to wash? You smell of sweat."

"I can wash, thank you very much." He stared in amazement at the mice's dancing. "That's not a fit!"

"What the hell is it then?" Kevin began to shake the cage again.

"Stop. Shaking. The. Cage!" Adam didn't take his eyes off the mice. "They're dancing!"

"They can't dance, idiot." He replied.

"Well they obviously can!" Adam began to clap for the mice, giving them a rhythm to shake their hips to. "And they're pretty good at it."

"Why don't you do some actual work instead of watching some mice dying?" Kevin rolled his eyes.

"But they're putting on a show for me!" Adam grinned.

"There must be something mentally wrong with you." Kevin was getting extremely frustrated by Adam who was now starting to dance in time with them.

"We can't hold up the sign when he's there!" Bertha hissed. "We need a way to make him leave!"

"I have a plan!" Dot whispered. "Take my place as a dancer!"

Bertha stepped forward and began to shake her hips left, right and centre. Sauntering around in circles to the beat, her chest shaking as she grooved slowly, her feet leading the way - she was lost in the music.

Dot was a small mouse and easily found a way out of the bars - she would've escaped ages before if Dip could've too but Dip's thighs were thick like butter and she couldn't fit out and there was no chance of her leaving her behind.

She climbed up onto the shelf behind Kevin and Adam and jumped down to Kevin's designer shoes - he was a very fashionable man.

"Cowabunga!" Dot yelled as she jumped onto them, her big ass shaking from air resistance.

She crawled up his trouser leg and it was not long before...

"THERE IS A MOUSE ON MY LEG!" Kevin screamed.

"A what?" Adam looked round at him like he was mad.

"A MOUSE!" He began swatting at his trousers.

"How would a mouse get there?" Adam asked.

"I HAVE NO CLUE, ADAM, JUST HELP ME GET IT OUT, IT'S PROBABLY GOT AT LEAST 100 DISEASES!" Kevin yelled.

"Kevin... Is this some weird way of hitting on me again?" Adam smirked.

"I am not HITTING ON YOU NOW HELP ME!" Kevin demanded.

"Nope!" Adam giggled, cheekily. "I don't feel comfortable touching someone like you in a place like that"

"FINE." Kevin stormed off to find Becky as Dot slipped out again.

Adam laughed and looked back at the guinea pigs.

"Finally!" Bertha said. "Hold up the sign, Princess!"

Princess held up their sign as Adam turned his attention back to the cage.

"We need your help, Adam?!" He read in shock.


	6. The Stupidity of being Adam

ust as Adam had noticed the message, he heard a voice calling him back over.

"Coming!" Adam called, taking another quick look at the message, wondering if he was just imagining things. The shocked man ran over to the counter to find out what he had been called over for.

"What exactly is this?" Kevin asked, holding up a box of t shirts and a farmer outfit.

"Ah, that! Well I was just about to explain. Since Becky ruined hers and that woman complained about the slogan, I got us new T shirts!" Adam explained.

"Oh about that woman, she's demanded that whoever created the t shirts needs to give her compensation." Said Becky.

"We can talk about that another time, for now, read the new slogan!" Adam said.

Kevin picked out a shirt and read it.

"This is a joke right?" Kevin looked up.

"Adam, you can can't put "Ask me about my cock" on a T shirt!" Becky exclaimed, laughing. "Please tell me this is a prank!"

"What do you mean? I thought if I gave us a specific animal to be asked about then people wouldn't get confused and upset that they didn't know which animal to ask about!" Adam looked hurt.

"Do you really not know what this sounds like?" Kevin asked. "And do we even sell cockerels?"

"Ugh, Kevin, only you would think about it in the other way because you're gay and yep! We just got some outback, so I thought it'd be appropriate to inform people about our new stock!" Adam was now really offended.

"Okay, 1. I'm not gay and 2. Why couldn't you have put "Ask us about our cockerels" and it didn't even have to be on a t shirt, it could've been a sign!" Kevin replied.

"But I wanted it to be really short and personal." Adam protested.

Before Kevin could reply, Becky took out the farmer costume.

"Is this for Balthazar?" She asked.

"Nope! It's for you!" Adam blushed.

"Excuse me?!" Becky spluttered, hitting Kevin as he started to laugh.

"I-I thought you'd look super cute!" Adam stuttered. "It'll attract all the customers!"

"I-I thought y-you'd look s-super cute!" Kevin mocked him.

"Please!" Adam said. "Or I'll get Balthazar to sit on you!"

Becky ran out of the room in a hurry.

"You're bringing sexy back!" Adam accidentally blurted.

"You.. Like Becky?" Kevin asked. "I thought you had a girlfriend?"

"Of course I don't like her!" Adam said. He was right, he had a girlfriend but Kevin was probably gay so what did he know? He could look at cute girls and still be loyal!

"Pfft whatever you say basement boy." Kevin replied. "But if you do, she doesn't like you back, she's always saying you're a cuck."

"What?" Adam said, blushing a little.

"Why are you blushing, weirdo?!" Kevin looked creeped out.

"Just thinkin' bout Becky talking about me." Adam sighed, blushing even more.

"Um, she wasn't even saying nice things?" Kevin rolled his eyes.

"Did Adam seriously just ignore our message?!" Bertha hollered.

"Your angry voice is sexy." Buster mumbled.

"Now I'm gonna have to be the one asking for a translation..." Said Bertha "What did you just say?"

"I said how can he ignore us!?" Buster replied dishonestly.

"It is disgraceful!" Bertha said in her ever feisty manner. She swayed her hips in dismay. Buster almost choked on his broccoli.

"Boom boom boom. Cha cha cha!" Sang Joey.

"Uhh.. Joey, man? What are you doing?" Buster turned his head to see Joey doing a strange type of dance.

"This is MY signature move!" Joey yelled excitedly "The cha cha cha!"

He aggressively cha cha cha'ed over to the others.

"Ew.. What a gross dance! Only a complete weirdo would dance like that!" Princess shuddered at Joey's fun thrusting.

"Maybe he is a weirdo.. But we're all a bunch of crazy misfits!" Buster told Princess. "We are a literal freak show! But that's what makes us who we are!"

Buster, Bertha and Marley got up and began to cha cha cha as the radio blasted 'Pump it' by the Black Eyed Peas. Harold joined in and began to breakdancer. He was exceptionally talented!

"Yo Harold! Teach us some of your moves, my man!" Joey called out.

"This is not something I can teach, govna! This, this is years of practice! And natural skill of course!" Harold continued break dancing like a pro.

"You break dance like a BOSS!" Joey said.

After the song finished. Bertha ran off, a look of anger on her gorgeous face. It hurt Buster immensely to see her like that. So he decided to run after her.

"Bertha? What's up?" Buster tapped her on the shoulder.

"Why did Adam ignore us?! The foolishness! The stupidity! The absolute baka-rity!"

"Uhh Adam is pretty stupid. Scratch that, the dude's a straight up dumbass!" Buster said.

"Adam is.. Not stupid. He is fun! He is how any wild human should be!" Bertha moaned. Buster felt a pang of jealousy.

"He's not all that great. You have us, your pack of crazy misfits who understand your weirdness like no other!" Buster said.

"But he is Adam! He is gracious!" Bertha said.

Meanwhile, Becky was now wearing the farmer outfit.

She walked over to the counter trying to pretend that Adam wasn't staring at her in tears of joy.

"Stylish." Kevin remarked, looking up from his fashion magazine.

"Hey Becky! I like it a lot and thank you for wearing it and allowing me to see you wearing it because it makes me feel good!" Adam giggled, covering his mouth with his hand. Becky and Kevin exchanged looks of disgust.

"Ah I'll be needing some pictures for Balthazar, he asked for some or else you'll have to wear it again tomorrow!" Adam lied, after snapping a shot of the situation.

"Don't you dare!" Becky screamed running after Adam to grab the phone. "I'd rather wear it tomorrow than have any proof that I wore it!"

Adam. I hate that stupid name. Buster thought to himself, as he sighed. The Sawduster had told him to possibly make friends with Adam. But.. But..

Buster shook his head. He couldn't let his silly feelings get in the way of helping his friends. This was a matter of life or Balthazar!

But right this minute, he needed a bro on bro talk with Joey.


	7. The Green-eyed Buster Strikes Again

Buster found Joey where he usually found him, where all the left over food was shoved in a corner.

"What's up, Busty Buster?" Joey managed between munches.

"Say it, don't spray it!" Buster laughed. "And 'Busty Buster'... Really? Shouldn't it be BUSTY Bertha?!"

"Busty Bertha, Ass so big, but Princess is the girl I dig!" Joey rapped. "But really, dude, what's crackalackin?"

"Well actually we were on topic just then," He said. "It's about Bertha."

"What about Hips McAssTown?" Joey asked.

"Don't say that!" Buster cringed. "That's what Princess and Bertha call Marley when we're not around!"

"Ohhh! I get it!" He smiled, smugly. "Someone's jealous! But of Marley...Really?"

"Not Marley." He shuddered. "Adam!"

"Adam?!" Joey scoffed. "You think Bertha likes Adam?!"

"Well, she keeps sticking up for him even though he ignored our cry for help!"

"Don't sweat it, Brocean Man!" He reassured Buster. "You are way better than Pet Store McGee!"

"Thanks, dude, but what's with all the nicknames?" Buster felt better already.

"Oh it's just a thing I'm trying!" He answered. "Wanna hear some?"

"Sure." Buster thought they may cheer him up.

"Okay so, um... There's Tits O' Farmer!" He pointed to Becky, receiving a sort of laugh from his bro.

"And here comes Basement O'Sullivan!" Joey put on his best sports commentator as Adam walked past.

Buster grinned, feeling the weight of his jealousy lift from his shoulders.

"And over there is Twink-Man McGay!" Joey gestured to Kevin.

"You're mad!" Buster laughed.

"Of course, I didn't leave out our own buddies!" He burped. "Or as I say - Spicy BigBooty, Curvy McSilky, Weedman Johnson, The Booty Twins and Beerface Hewitt!"

"Joey!" Buster scolded his pal, he didn't think Bertha would take the word 'spicy' too kindly.

"You know she spicy!" He winked.

"Pfft, Bertha ain't spicy," Buster smiled. "She's on fire!"

"You saw a message in the cage addressed to you FROM the guinea pigs?" Kevin rolled his eyes at Adam's outrageous claims.

"Yeah right, and I had one day where I haven't heard Balthazar burp!" Becky smirked.

"Actually, we didn't hear him burp yesterday," Kevin replied.

"I did!" Becky replied, indignantly.

"Oh really?" Kevin challenged her. "And when was this?"

"Well.. You were in the stock room and um... Balthazar was really angry about the hamster food and so he burped in fury!" Becky said.

"Wow, that sounds totally believable!" Kevin laughed. "Prove it, get up the security footage!"

"Fine!" Becky shoved him out of the way and turned on the computer that Balthazar insisted they had for security reasons.

"We could check about the message too!" Adam piped up.

"Shut up, Adam." Kevin and Becky replied in unison.

"By the way, Becky, did you see RuPaul last night?" Kevin asked as they waited for the computer to start.

"SHUT UP!" Adam screamed. "DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THE MESSAGE."

"I couldn't care less even if you were telling the truth." Kevin replied.

"Mm, I think he's telling the truth," Becky decided. "He's too dumb to make it up."

"That's a valid point." Kevin smirked.

"I am telling the truth!" Adam protested. "I'll try and find it!"

Adam walked over to cage, followed reluctantly by Kevin and Becky

"Sorry lil dudes!" Adam muttered as he opened up the cage.

"Why are you talking to them?!" Kevin looked at him like he'd grown an extra head. "Honestly, I don't know why I'm surprised at this point."

"No one cares!" Adam said cheerfully as he searched around in the sawdust.

It didn't take long before they found a tiny note, Adam picked it up and inspected it.

"Kevin is gay?!" He read aloud.

"You expect me to believe it says that!" Kevin exclaimed. "You're just trying to mess with me and it's not working."

"No, seriously!" He passed him the note.

"You put it in there." Kevin deduced incorrectly.

"Why would I write that?" Adam laughed. "I mean it's true but I wouldn't put it on paper."

"You're about as funny as a school shooting." Kevin grimaced. "I can't be bothered with you, you're wasting my time."

"But it was the guinea pigs!" Adam cried.

"Of course it was." Becky sighed. "I'll be doing actual work, have fun playing make believe."

Kevin and Becky strode off, leaving Adam behind.

"Yeah cause checking if Balthazar burped is real work." Adam muttered as he watched them look back through the footage.

"Come on lil guys, show me again, so I know I'm not crazy!" He whispered to the cage.

"I told you! I told you! Suck on that!" He heard Becky gloating, he knew she would right, she was so hot and Balthazar burping was never impossible.

He looked back at the cage, nothing had happened.

"Maybe I should go to the opticians." He sighed.

"Quick!" Bertha hissed. "Do the sign!"

Dip and Dot ran quickly to the front and held up the sign for Adam.

"Oh. My. God!" He gasped. "So I didn't imagine it after all!"

He stared at the pair in shock and awe.

"So you need help?" He asked.

The mice ran back to get the second sign.

"Yes!" He read aloud. "Well I don't know what Balthazar would say if I helped you guys out!"

"See, he cares about his job more than us!" Buster hissed to Bertha.

"Shh, Chico!" Bertha shushed him, causing the unmistakable feeling of jealousy to fill up in Buster's heart again.

Adam stared at the animals for longer, his face softened.

"No!" He said. "It's my duty as manager to make sure the pets are happy and if that's what you want I gotta provide it!"

"Wow... He isn't that shocked we understand him!" Bertha smiled.

"Or he's good at hiding it." Buster scowled.

Just then they heard a familiar stomping on the stairs, Balthazar had come to say hello.

"You pigs slacking off again?" He snarled. "Especially you Kevin, you filthy gay!"

"Kevin is not gay." Said Princess.

"Wait, what?! Of course he is!" Joey exclaimed.

Balthazar approached the cage and stood hands on hips, facing Adam.

"So, Mr Manager, what's got you staring into space?"

"N-nothing!" Adam knew that if Balthazar knew then he would surely kill him.

"He thinks the guinea pigs are talking to him!" Kevin yelled from across the room.

"Do you now, Adam?" Balthazar gave a hearty laugh without any of the kindness of a usual laugh. "And why's that?"

"Ah - erm - I was just imagining stuff! You know when it's hot and you're working hard!" He lied.

"Don't waste my time like that." Balthazar roared at Kevin

"That's not what he said earlier." Kevin cringed at the sight of Balthazar's bloated tongue.

"Oh?" Balthazar span round to face him. "And what exactly did he say earlier?!"

Balthazar was face to face with Kevin, backing him into the counter, his bulbous nose almost touching him.

"He said," Kevin tried lean as far away from the man as possible. "He saw them holding up a note and he made us go look for it!"

"Well, well, well," Balthazar spat. "Adam, you lying worm!"

Balthazar left Kevin to stride over to Adam, his face red and veiny.

"ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, WORMMEAT?!" Spit rained out of his mouth at high speeds.

"You remind me of a boiled potato!" Adam burst out.

Kevin and Becky stifled their laughter, Adam was going to be fired and there was no doubt about it.

"THAT, ADAM..." Balthazar growled. "IS VERY TRUE!"

Kevin, Becky and Adam all stopped in their tracks.

"That was shocking." Becky muttered.

"Of course Adam would get special treatment." Kevin scowled.

"Give it a rest, you two, we all know what he said was true and I relish in it, rats!" Balthazar gave a sly gold grin.

Becky and Kevin ignored him and went back to discussing fashion as Adam clapped at the pride that Balthazar held.

"So he finally noticed, eh?" Buster said to Bertha, later that day.

"I believed in him," She smiled. "It came as no shock to me, chico."

"What do you think'll happen next?" He asked.

"Anything to be honest," Bertha laughed. "We'll just have to let time tell and keep our faith in Adam."

Buster nodded, wishing he could say what was on his mind but like usual he kept it in.

"Anyway, I'll see you later!" Bertha began to walk off, her luscious curves swaying beautifully.

"Yeah..." Buster's voice trailed off.

He was soon joined by the familiar shape of Joey.

"Tough day, bro-yo?" He smiled, sympaphetically.

"You betcha!" Buster sighed, sadly. "And it's all Adam's fault."  
"Don't blame it on him!" Joey said, before a massive belch.

"I know I shouldn't but I can't help it." He sighed. "Wanna go watch Bertha dancing to cheer up?"

"Would I ever say no to that?" The two giggled and made their way over to where Bertha was dancing to "Moulin Rouge".

She was working her curves to her advantage, swinging her hips and making all sorts of death drops and twirls. It was hypnotic to say the least, she was joined on the dance floor by Dip and Dot who began to spread open their cheeks and legs as wide as they could and spin round in different shapes to the music. Bertha stroked back her chesnut mane and danced so seductively that Buster thought his eyes would pop right out of his head.

"You can look but you can't touch!" She sauntered over, her thick spicy thighs jiggling like jelly.

"That's good enough for me!" Buster winked as Joey began to do the cha cha cha but more seductively.


	8. To Escape or Not to Escape

It was a Tuesday morning, when the phone call came and as per usual, Balthazar arrived at the phone before anyone else could answer.

"Oh?" He smiled, a look of greed passing over his face. "Well, that is the biggest offer yet!"

Kevin and Becky looked up as they heard the word "offer", they had waited almost two weeks for this moment and much like Balthazar they were becoming impatient.

"If he declines another of them, I am quitting this job all together." Kevin muttered as he and Becky listened in.

"Same here and then we can finally start our fashion business." She replied as she and Kevin thought wistfully about working somewhere else. "I hate this stupid pet shop."

"The pets are not the worst of it." He scowled, gesturing at Adam who was happily stacking dog food tins.

"Oh, that guy?" Becky said. "He's not the worst, he's stupid but not the worst."

"As much as it pains me to say it, you're right." Kevin sighed as they tried to read Balthazar's expressions. "I mostly hate the guinea pigs and their dancing..."

"Lovely doing business with you, Sir!" Balthazar ended the call, walking over.

"Another offer?" Kevin asked casually as the pair pretended to be working.

"Not just any old offer," Balthazar grinned, his gold teeth glimmering. " _The_ offer!"

"You mean we can leave this dusty old heap!?" Becky gasped.

"You might not wanna get too excited." Kevin hissed.

"Not exactly yet..." Balthazar replied, his eyes gazing up to the attic. "There are a few things I need to take care of...Just another day or two and we'll be back at "Balthazar Enterprises"!"

"You mean that plant thingy?" Becky said.

"None of you're beeswax!" He snarled. "But for now, you two still work here so get back to work you mangy worms!"

Becky and Kevin groaned and return to what little work they did.

"Those guinea pigs don't know what's coming to them..." Balthazar laughed. "But I do... And it's a truckload of money!"

"Adam said he'd came up with a plan!" Bertha paced around the cage, hips swaying in determination. "Why hasn't he done anything yet?"

"Maybe he was lying?" Buster suggested, hoping to find a fault in the man.

"No!" Bertha snapped, wondering to herself why she was so protective over him. "He wouldn't lie to us!"

"Bertha, we met him a week ago at the most!" Princess joined in. "How do you know we can trust him?"

"I feel it in my bones!" She proclaimed.

"I can feel something in my tummy and it definitely isn't good!" Joey's stomach gurled.

"It's cuz of all those pellets you ate last night!" Princess turned up her nose in disgust.

"I've eaten way more than that before!" Joey argued. "Wait!"

Joey let out a massive belch.

"Much better!" He said in contempt.

"That stinks!" Princess said.

"Speaking of stink," Bertha said. "I need a bath!"

"Don't need to know..." Princess sighed.

"I was wondering if one of the boys would give me a quick sponge bath?" She asked.

"I volunteer!" Buster screamed.

"Steady on, tiger!" Joey giggled.

In a flash, Buster had gotten some sudsy, soapy, boiling, hot water and a sponge.

"M'lady, you're cleanliness awaits!" He laughed as he dunked the sponge into the hot, soapy water.

He began to lather her in bubbles, the soap sliding easily on her wet chesnut fur - slipping off her juicy thighs and dripping to the floor. He pressed down to make sure every hair was covered in the thick soapy water that soaked into her fur and soon she was covered in the white liquid. Bubbles poured everywhere in torrents of hot water.

"That'll be enough!" Bertha grinned, giving her luscious hips a shake - spraying them with the sudsy bubbles.

"I'll also be drying you!" Buster informed her.

"That was a really awkward way of telling her that." Princess said.

Buster rubbed her body with a soft, fluffy towel, scrubbing off every single bit of hot soapy liquid that dripped off of her chesnut body until she was completely dry - her fur looking dazzling and luxurious after her wash.

"You're basically sparkling!" Complimented Princess.

"I always am!" Giggled Bertha with a shake of her thick hips and ass.

"That is true!" Agreed Buster, giving her a wink.

"Dudes!" They all looked up to see Adam looking into their cage. "Guess who's ready to put 'Adam's Super Cool Rescue Mission' into action?!"

"Well definetly not me so that makes it easier." Buster muttered, getting a bump from Bertha's thick thighs.

"This guy!" Adam pointed to himself, a massive grin on his face.

At the counter, Kevin stared at him in confusion and annoyance - these inaudible one sided conversations were becoming a daily occurrence much to his dismay.

"So basically..." Adam did a drum roll. "You guys are... Coming home with me!"

"I thought we were going to investigate?" Buster shook his head at the man's idea. "I'm not running away like some wimp!"

"We didn't exactly tell him what we meant by helping us..." Bertha realised. "He probably thought we meant rescue!"

"Write another note!" Joey suggested.

Princess scampered off to get some paper.

"Just put, 'we want to investigate'." Bertha instructed once she'd returned.

Princess did as she was asked and wrote it out quickly before holding it up.

"Investigate?" Adam read, scratching his head. "I don't know about that, I'm not really the detective type!"

"I told you he was no help!" Buster exclaimed.

Bertha swung her hips in sadness. "I thought he'd be able to help us..."

"Adam!" They looked to see Kevin calling from across the room. "Stop being an idiot and get over here, Balthazar wants to speak to you!"

"Woop!" Adam hollered. "Gotta dash!"

They watched in disappointment as their only hope ran to the counter to see Balthazar walking down the stairs.

"Adam, my boy!" He greeted him. "I need a favour from you."

"Anything for you, Boss-O!" Adam replied, cheerfully.

"I need the guinea pigs out by tomorrow evening." The fat man said.

"Out?" Adam was confused by the command. "What do you mean out?"

"Gone, out of here, not in the pet shop." Kevin mocked. "Do you like even have any brain cells?"

Adam chose to ignore his comment. "Where are they going?"

"Another company bought them." Balthazar replied cryptically.

"Or rather, their like fur." Kevin corrected.

"You mean?" Adam looked shocked.

"Exactly what you're thinking." Kevin was less than fazed by the idea.

"Now back to work," Balthazar demanded. "And I want those guinea pigs done and dusted!"

"I feel almost bad that we're closing this pet shop down in a couple of days," Kevin said as they watched Adam return to work. "Not."

"Back to work applied to you too!" Balthazar spat.

"I knew that." Kevin sighed.

"What is he doing now?!" Buster groaned as Adam returned to the cage.

"I think you're gonna have to rethink investigating," Adam said. "You won't believe what I just found out!"

After repeating the conversation he'd just had, the guinea pigs were rendered speechless.

"So I guess we're going with my original plan!" He grimaced.

"How is he gonna even sneak us out of here without _those_ two noticing?" Buster whispered, indicating to Becky and Kevin who were currently swapping fashion magazines.

"You're worried about those two?" Adam noticed the guinea pigs staring. "Puh-lease, I can easily distract them anytime!"

Buster didn't look convinced.

"Watch and learn, G-Piggo!" He grinned. "Hey, Becky!"

"What up, Basement boy?" She called.

"I don't even live in my mom's basement!" Adam exclaimed. "But anyway, I heard there's a sale in at least 5 clothes shops at the mall down the road!"

"WHAT?!" She shrieked.

"Adam, I will wear your T shirt if you cover for us." Kevin begged.

"Which one?" Adam needed convincing. "The normal one or the controversial one?"

"I really don't which one is which, what one do you want me to wear?" Kevin asked.

"The controversial one, it's my favourite especially cause it's almost illegal so it gives it a lot of edge!"

"So the "ask me about my cock" one?" Kevin wasn't sure.

"No way, that one was so safe! The "animal" one makes people go loco cause they don't know which animal you mean!" Adam grinned, thinking about the thrill of wearing it at a police station.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever I'll wear it!" Kevin replied. "Just cover for us!"

"I'll cover for you if Becky wears her farmer costume tomorrow!" Adam said, imagining her delicious body in that special outfit, it was perfect, it was mind numbingly perfect and he loved it.

"Sure, I'll wear it just let us leave!" Becky looked at her watch, worrying that they could've missed the sale.

"Umm... One last thing!" Adam exclaimed, thinking on the spot.

"What? What?!" Kevin said, impatiently.

"You gotta wear the shirt TO the mall!" Adam grinned.

"He is so gonna get arrested!" He thought to himself.

"Damnit! Then I gotta go and get changed." Kevin said.

"I won't cover for you if you don't!" Adam threatened.

"Fine!" Kevin looked around for the shirt. "Where is it?"

"I kinda framed it." Adam said, sheepishly.

"You what?!" Becky said. "You weirdo!"

"I was proud okay, let a boy be proud!" Adam rushed out to the storeroom, grabbing a dog bone on the way.

Soon they heard the noise of glass smashing and then Adam returned, T shirt in hand.

"Here you go!" He said, out of breath, passing it to a disgusted Kevin.

"This better not of been the one you wore." He said.

"It isn't." Adam lied and Kevin took the shirt and ran to get changed.

"I gotta get my bag!" Becky realised and ran to the stockroom.

"Easy as pie!" Adam grinned.

Buster sighed, he had been proven wrong.

"Don't worry, I'll get you out of here, safe and sound, by tomorrow morning!" Adam reassurred the gang. "But for now - let's dance!"

Adam turned up the radio which was playing "My Humps" By The Black Eyed Peas.

Bertha began to shake her groove thang to the beat of the song, letting her hair down and her body go wild - before long she was on the floor grinding against the sawdust, her legs open wide and her hips shaking like mad. Joey was doing his signature worm as well as a few cha cha chas here and there whereas Buster was getting alot of action from Dip and Dot, both of them rubbing up and down his body while he shook to the rhythm. Princess shook her large and curvacious thighs vigorously.

Kevin returned in his t shirt in time to see the performance. "I'm so glad they're getting killed - if only those disgusting mice were too."

He watched in disgust as the mice twerked harder against Joey and Buster.

"Kevin, shut up, you're gay!" Adam laughed. "You just don't know real music!"

"I like this song but they're ruining it." Kevin turned off the radio. "And Adam, you can't dance, you look like a dying fish."

The guinea pigs all groaned as the music stopped, tears welled up in Dip and Dot's eyes as they realised they weren't able to grind any longer.

"You only like it cause you're gay!" Adam grinned as he turned the music on even louder.

"We both know that's not true but as I'm leaving, fine dance with your mice." Kevin said. "But could you at least wait till we've left?"

They all began to dance harder and sexier as it began to boom out of the speakers, Dip and Dot spread their legs extra wide.

"Only one day left of those disgusting creatures." Kevin sighed as he walked off to join Becky on their trip to the mall.

"Only one day left!" Buster grinned.


	9. The Great Escape...Kinda

Adam sighed, walking into the pet shop as the new day at work began. He had only got three hours of sleep last night after spending hours planning how he would help the guinea pigs escape and watching countless YouTube videos of guinea pigs. This was very visible due to the dark circles under his eyes.

"Ugh, you're the manager, and you show up ten minutes late?" Becky snapped at Adam.

"Whoa! I didn't realise I was late!" Adam exclaimed in shock. He grabbed the dark haired young woman and gave her a hug as she tried to resist.

"W-what are you doing!?" She yelled trying to pull away.

"I love guinea pigs." Adam said, blushing.

"Huh?!" Becky suddenly realised Adam's eyes were on her chest yet again.

"You're boobies are my guinea pigs."

"I trust Adam-san to get us out of here!" Bertha told the others, a hopeful glint in her eyes.

"...What did you just call Adam?.." Buster muttered, fuming with jealousy "Why don't you give me nicknames..?"

"I only said Adam, you absolute idiot." Bertha said, her firm and shapely ass shaking aggressively in irritation.

"Yeah, man I trust Adam too, dude." Marley gave a drooping lopsided smile.

 _Ugh.. I just wish Bertha would trust me as much as she trusts.. Adam_. Buster thought to himself as he let a small sigh escape his mouth. Just picturing Adam made him angry.

"We!"

"Love!"

"Adam!"

Buster turned his head to see Dip and Dot doing some kind of cheerleading routine. It was undoubtedly sexy, but Buster could hardly stand hearing the man's name.

"Capiche!" Joey laughed.

"Hey Kevin, I dropped a dog treat. Mind picking it up?" Adam said. He had purposely scattered a ton of dog treats around the store and he sat back, prepared to feel smug as a bug.

"You're kidding?" Kevin said. "I don't do that kind of work."

"Why cause you're gay and don't want to do the dirty work?" Adam smiled.

Kevin sighed and began picking them all up.

"I love being manager!" Adam laughed, he liked to give Kevin and Becky pointless jobs around the place for amusement.

"Don't tell him but I dropped those dog treats on purpose." Adam gave Becky a satisfied smirk.

"Kevin!" Becky called. "He dropped them on purpose, don't pick them up!"

"I told you not to tell him!" Adam exclaimed.

"And you think I'd listen to you?" Becky said angrily.

"You're only angry because I told you there was a sale when there wasn't!" Adam wanted to pretend that was the only reason.

"No, I'm angry because you're annoying and I hate you!" Becky replied.

"Aww don't say stuff we both now aren't true!" Adam smiled.

Becky pulled out one of Kevin's fashion magazines and ignored him.

"We don't care about how cucky Adam is! We just want to get outta here!" Buster yelled, throwing a stalk of broccoli at no one in particular.

"Buster, man. I've never seen you so angry." Joey said.

"WELL I'VE NEVER HAD A REASON TO BE THIS ANGRY!" Buster hollered, making the cage shake.

"Uhh dude you 'bout to go Super Saiyan on our asses?" Marley asked, genuinely believing his own words.

"AM I NOT ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY?!" Buster did a backflip in anger.

"Whoa!" Dip and Dot chorused.

"That is so unattractive.." Bertha said, looking out the window. "One of the things I love about Adam is how calm he is in any situation."

Buster immediately calmed down.

"Yeah! Adam's great and he knows what he's doing!" Buster said. Just as Adam began to walk over to the cage.

"I just ordered them to go out and hand out flyers about the store. Today's your lucky day little guys!" Adam said, reaching into the cage "You're comin' back to mine!"

"See, I told you to trust Adam!" Bertha said.

"Wait.. What?!" Adam yelped, falling back in shock. He just understood what that guinea pig said.

"Adam?" Bertha called out in her seductive Spanish drawl.

"Uhhh am I hallucinating?!" Adam questioned.

"No! Help us!" Princess shouted.

Meanwhile out on the streets, Becky and Kevin were reluctantly handing out flyers to the public.

"This is stupid, no one is even going to want to go to this stupid pet shop!" Kevin said, a frown on his face.

"You know, we could just chuck them in a bin and pretend we handed them out?" Becky pointed out. "And then we could go to the mall instead?"

"I like the way you think." Kevin grinned and they found their nearest bin.

"Oh, by the way, Adam wanted me to ask if you'd go on a date with him." Kevin said.

"Don't even bring him up, you know I hate him." Becky cringed at the thought.

"I dare you to go on it."

"No way!" Becky laughed.

"Yeah, I can't say I would've either." Kevin agreed.

The two left to find the nearest shopping mall, in disbelief that Adam had actually trusted them to hand out the flyers.

Back at the pet shop, Adam's idea was all going to plan. Though he was still completely shocked at the fact he could understand these animals, he was beginning to adjust.

"What's that on your phone wallpaper?" Joey asked.

"Oh that.." Adam turned the other way, vaguely embarrassed "It's Becky."

"Ew!" Joey said, burping in confusion. "Why would you want her as your wallpaper? She's a meanie!"

"She's super hot and she's nice to me!" Adam defended himself.

"Yeah sure.." Buster sighed "But... To the car!"

"Yup! Here we go!" Adam said, lifting up the cardboard box filled with guinea pigs... and Harold.. And Dip and Dot.

Bertha jumped out puffed out her well endowed chest in order to impress Adam. He gave the chestnut guinea pig a wink, then put her back in the box."

Buster fist pumped.

They got in the car and Adam began to start up the engine and began to drive.

The guinea pigs were shaking all over the place. To the left. To the right. Up. Down. Any possible direction. You name it.. The guinea pigs shook it. The car jolted and bumped the guinea pigs all around their box. The vibration of the car seat made the guinea pigs shake intensely.

It was clear even just from looking at the outside of the box that the guinea pigs were shaking wildly in there. The tremors of the seat caused the set of guinea pigs who were placed in the box to shake with mighty force.

Adam switched on the radio and it was playing 'Hey Mama' by The Black Eyed peas.

Bertha began wildly swinging her hips and ass around the box as Dip and Dot wiggled on either side of her. Princess shook her head at their indecent dancing. Joey cha cha cha'ed. Bertha then began to wack uncontrollably. Bertha was WILD.

Buster was being shaken around by the car at the speed of light but he still managed to bust some moves amidst all the chaos.

While the guinea pigs were making a great escape, Kevin and Becky had returned from their shopping trip and were now debating what to do with the bags, if it was just Adam in there, he would tell Balthazar, if it was just Balthazar, they'd be killed and if it were both, it would probably involve those T shirts.

"We could use the back door?" Kevin suggested.

"But what if Balthazar's in there and you know what happened last time we used the back door." Becky shuddered.

A couple of days ago, the two had tried to sneak into work late without being caught only to find Balthazar laying in the store room burping and laughing.

"No way am I like going to see that again!" Kevin remembered the incident he'd tried so hard to forget.

"I know, they still think we're handing out fliers so we could just take them home." Becky said.

"Sounds good." Kevin grinned but little did they know they were giving Adam more time.


	10. Moving In

After shaking around for a large amount of time in the box, the guinea pigs felt awfully shook up and were no longer in the mood to dance. They'd been shaking around for about 20 minutes now and were beginning to wonder if perhaps Adam was just making them shake around for a laugh. They were shaking so much against the box that even the box was shaking, this was one shaking car ride full of even more shaky guinea pigs.

The violent tremors shook Bertha violently, sending rhythmic whirls up her spine as the speakers boomed out more 'Black Eyed Peas' tunes - adding to the shaking of the guinea pigs.

Joey felt his stomach churn as the ride tossed him like a salad, his body shaking all over the place from each side of the box to the other, beside him Princess was also shaking so much that her fur seemed to have become almost static from the shaking.

Buster was shook, shook up, shook down, shook all around, it was unreal for him to experience such a shake like he'd never felt before, so shaky it made his body feel strange and tingly from the sensation, his groin felt heated and itchy from the feeling.

Marley was shaken roughly from all angles but he was in a different zone so none of it seemed to matter, his eyes tinted pink from the shaking...

Harold grumbled and swore in British ways, shouting "Bollocks!" and "Bugger!" in a crude manner, or so Princess proclaimed he did.

Dip and Dot were taking this opportunity to let their bodies be in control it was an experience that they were enjoying immensely, it caused their hips and buttocks to jive and jump from the pulses of the car hitting uneven spots in the road, their bodies felt a wave of excitement as they were thrown in a sexual manner all over the place.

And then with a sudden jolt, the car ride was over.

"Hear we are, critters!" Adam announced, opening up their box at last. "Home sweet home!"

"I would prefer if the term 'critters' wasn't used!" Princess sniffed. "It's really rude!"

"Oh, erm, sorry!" Adam scratched his head, awkwardly. "Can I call you piggies?"

"Oi!" Harold poked his head out. "Some of are hamsters!"

"And mice!" Dip and Dot moved their bodies, tensing their muscles in their hips as they appeared from the box.

"Ah! I know what I'll call you!" Adam grinned. "The R Team!"

"R team?" Buster was hoping it wasn't something cool, he needed more dirt on Adam.

"Rodent team!" Adam looked awfully proud of himself.

"Nope!" Princess still was unimpressed. "Just as rude."

"How about you just call us your friends?" Joey managed through munches.

"That. Is. Genius!" Adam exclaimed, giving the chubby guinea pig a hi-5 with his finger.

Buster scoffed but tried to cover it with a cough.

"Buster, he's saved us, have a little respect, chico!" Bertha gave him a bump with her large curvaceous silky rump.

"Fine." Buster lied, he was going to kill Adam at some point, he just knew.

"That's the spirit, chicolita!" Bertha gave him a sexy smile.

It was worth the lie.

"Right, so the apartment isn't much but it's my home so please don't swear on my profile." Adam took the box and carried it to the front door of an apartment complex.

"Ew!" Princess looked as if she was going to throw up.

"I said no rude comments!" Adam intervened.

"Actually you said please don't swea-" Princess began.

"Ah! It doesn't matter exactly what I said!" Adam shushed the guinea pig and continued. "What matters is your here and your safe."

"Woah!" Joey's mouth hung open, a carrot dropped out, as he looked at the impressive building.

"Let's go!" Adam grinned and opened the door and made his way towards a large elevator.

Adam was an expert on the building, he'd lived their a year now and he really knew the way to get in the lift at the right time of day and what button to press to get to each floor. In short, the guy was a genius when it came to this place. He knew all the neighbors on his floor (the fifth floor to be exact) and was slowly learning all the other residents, as much as he could anyway - there were a lot of residents. He really understood the structure of the building and he understood that if he lived there he needed to know the way that the other residents lived, such as when they went shopping and when they did their laundry so that he could adapt perfectly and become part of the community he always compared to an ant farm, it was so clockwork in it's routines and each day the same people stepped out, Adam watched them each day and wondered if he'd ever leave or if he'd live there for ever. He knew a woman on floor 6 who had been born there and raised there her whole life, this was because she was allergic to sunlight and her parents had forbade her to adventure outside, now her parents were deceased and she was a ripe age of 37, still with the chance to live but somehow not due to her critical condition. That's what Adam thought anyway, it turned out she was actually a heroine addict who dealt drugs, Adam had bought the fake story easily, she'd told it to everyone so she didn't seem suspicious, but people began to realize something was up when she left the building in broad daylight, not a care in the world - she was soon arrested. Adam thought it was tragic how some people's lives were like that, he thought perhaps Balthazar might like to meet a heroine addict one day, he imagined that the bald man would really enjoy to talk to them and they would be able to relate on some things but disagree others, it would be a delightful duo and Adam wished it would happen one day.

"I love elevators." Marley said out of no where, he loved the feeling of being in an enclosed and vaguely open box and being able to move up and down in a smooth, jerky fashion, it was just one big oxymoron.

"Me too!" Bertha agreed, for her it was the rush of being in a box and shaking, but not in the way that the car had been shaking the guinea pigs who were in the box in the car when they had been so shaken that it was almost as if they were milkshakes.

"Well then you're gonna love living with me!" Adam traveled up and down on the elevator every single day, it was just part of the daily routine but he still felt like a space cadet every time.

"Wahoo!" Joey crunched on a pellet, enthusiastically.

Once they had gotten to the third floor, the elevator doors slid open and a man with a suit and sunglasses walked in.

"Oh howdy Sid!" Adam greeted the man. "What were you doing on the third floor?"

"Nothing, nothing..." Sid replied, he lived on the same floor as Adam and they passed each other often.

"I hope you weren't doing any spying!" Adam tapped his nose, knowingly.

"Adam, we've had this conversation." Sid looked like an exasperated father would to an over escited son.

Adam had been convinced since he arrived that one of his neighbours, Sid, was actually a secret agent. The clues added up, the way he dressed, the suspicious business he was always dealing with and the fact nobody knew what his job was.

"Of course, of course, you're not a secret agent and you've told me this a million times!" Adam tapped his nose again, he seemed to think the two shared a very deep dark secret.

"So, what's in the box?" Sid asked, eyeing the strange cardboard box. "It better not be animals, you do remember they're not allowed in this building?"

The guinea pigs let out a chorus of indignant squeals, why weren't they allowed here?!

"Adam!" Sid exclaimed as he heard the noise. "Those are animals!"

"No, no, no they're not!" Adam stammered. "It's a bunch of squeaky toys!"

"And why would you have squeaky toys?" Sid raised an eyebrow.

"Fun?" Adam tried.

"I'm not falling for it, Adam, those are some type of rodents in there." Sid replied. "I won't tell anyone, but you'd better be careful - they'll have you kicked out for that."

"I will be." Adam nodded, sincerely. "So what's in your box?"

Adam suddenly noticed that he too was carrying a box of a similar size.

"Oh this? It's erm... Just paper work!" Sid smiled.

"Really?" Now Adam was the one not falling for it.

"Yes, really!" Sid indicated to the elevator doors which were now opening. "Now isn't this your stop?"

"Isn't it yours?" Adam was confused.

"Not today, I have some important business to attend to on another floor." Sid waved Adam out of the elevator. "Goodbye Adam!"

"Oh, erm, bye Sid!" Adam stumbled out onto his floor. "Have a nice spy - I mean time!"

"That guy's totally a secret agent." Joey pocked his head out once the coast was clear.

"Exactly!" Adam gave him a miniature bro fist.

"Nah, I bet he's just a business man or something like that." Buster attempted to spoil their friendship but failed as he ended up doing a carthweel with anger.

"Anywho!" Adam began fishing out a key from his pocket. "We are here!"

He unlocked a door and opened it up.

"Adam?" A woman's voice called. "Adam, why are you back so early?"

"It's alright, babe!" Adam assured her. "Lunch break!"

"Oh, I didn't know you could come home at your break?" An attractive woman came into view, she had shoulder length blond hair and a beautiful slim figure.

"Woah she is SMOKIN!" Joey said, Marley smiled.

"What's in the box!" She asked as Adam gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Guys, meet my girlfriend: Zoey, Zoey meet The R Team!" Adam opened the box.

"The R Tea-" Zoey began to question until she noticed the occupants of the box. "Oh my God! They are ADORABLE!"

"ARE WE KEEPING THEM?" She hugged Adam.

"It seems we are!" Adam said. "Guys it's okay you can talk!"

"Talk?" Zoey laughed.

"You betcha fine ass we can!" Buster announced, giving a shake of his bonbons.

"Did he? Just? SPeak?!" She picked up Buster.

"Yep!" Buster gave her a cheeky wink.

"I can't believe it! How is this happening? Am I dreaming? Is this a prank?" Zoey stared at him.

"No, baby, this is real life." Buster grinned.

"Adam, you're getting cucked right now." Joey whispered to his bro.

"What?! No I'm not?!" Adam said a little too loudly.

"This is this cutest thing ever!" Zoey gave Buster a kiss on the cheek and put him down.

"I'm Buster by the way, cause I always Buster nut." Buster introduced himself.

"I'm Princess, the royal one!" Princess flipped her hair.

"Bertha, I go by the hot one, according to these chicos." Bertha twirled her buns.

"Joey here! The hungry one!" Joey burped.

"Me like reggae." Marley said, smoke pouring out of his mouth, his pupils were dilating.

"Harold, at your service!" Harold held out his hand to be shook.

"And WE are Dip and Dot!" Dip and Dot gave a short performance of jolts and whirring, buzzing their rumps and letting the electricity of their anatomy take over, they spread open their legs and let it all hang loose.

"You're all so precious!" Zoey shook Harold's tiny paw.

"I rescued them!" Adam puffed out his chest. "The pet shop owner was gonna have them killed for their fur and I saved them!"

"Speaking of which, you should return before Kevin and Becky do so you don't look suspicious?" Bertha suggested.

"Gotta dash!" Adam zoomed out.

"You're gonna be so cucked when you return!" Buster called after him, giving Zoey a thumbs up.

Bertha scowled, she wasn't getting the usual looks from the boys.

"WOw, your fur is so soft!" Zoey gave Bertha a stroke.

"Thanks, I try!" Bertha didn't smile, she just gave a flip of her chestnut fur, no human could obtain such a thick coat like hers.

"I can see!" Zoey replied. "You must work really hard on getting that texture."

Bertha tried not to smile but the flattery seemed so genuine she just had to talk about her fur - she practically never had anyone to talk about it to as Princess only cared about her own.

"I can teach you my fur care routine if you like?" Bertha mumbled, giving up on her act.

"Of course!" Zoey grinned.

"Mmm, girl you fine!" Buster said, she laughed and patted him on the head.

"You're a very flirty one, aren't you?"

"They don't call me the ladies man for nothin'" He flexed his strong, sweaty, powerful muscles.

"Nobody calls you that!" The other rodents chorused.

Life with Adam and Zoey was going to be great.

Back at the car, Adam was ramming his keys in and slamming down the accelerator, he didn't know how long Kevin and Becky would be and he'd already been at least an hour.

"Damnit!" He cried as he hit a traffic jam.

As soon as he arrived he ran in grabbed a cloth then ran back outside and began to clean the back windows as fast as he could, he'd come just in time to see Kevin and Becky return round the corner, thank God they'd taken so much time 'handing out flyers'.

"Hey guys!" He greeted them. "Just been cleaning these dirty devils since you left, could you go check on the pets?"

He hoped they would fall for this tricks.

"So you've finally found a job you can actually do?" Kevin smirked as he looked at the barely cleaned glass. "Oh wait, there's no such job!"

Becky laughed at his comment, which broke Adam's heart.

"Aww come on, Becky you love me!" Adam grinned.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Becky glowered.

"Yeah you're always hitting on her but at the same time you always brag about your girlfriend, what's the truth, Basement boy?" Kevin said.

"Just go check on the pets, you crazy kids!" Adam tried to get rid of them.

"Adam, you're younger than both of us." Becky reminded him.

"And more attractive!" He gave a thumbs up.

"No way!" Becky exclaimed.

"You are but Kevin ain't." Adam replied

"Adam, you dress like you're homeless what makes you think your opinions means anything!" Kevin said.

"Of course you'd get really offended cause you're gay!" Adam grinned.

"Oh just shut up, Adam!" Kevin interrupted. "Go back to cleaning or whatever you're attempting to do!"

"I will, I will!" He put his hands up in surrender.

Adam just grinned and went back to cleaning.

The pair walked into the pet store, it was not long before Adam heard.

"The guinea pigs! They're missing!"

And then there was a loud ***FRRP***... Balthazar had arrived and he was gassy with anger.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE MISSING?!" His roars (and farts) echoed across the pet store.

Everyone was in deep, deep trouble.


	11. Trouble in Paradise

"HOW CAN YOU LOSE THEM?" Balthazar was pacing back and forth, his face was sweating and red.

"Adam was the only one at the pet store!" Kevin was leant against the counter, his designer pants looking stylish as usual. "There is no way you can blame this on us."

"WHERE WERE YOU THEN? SLACKING OF AS USUAL?" Balthazar had just come back from a large meal of red meats and had arrived to find Kevin and Becky shouting at Adam.

"We were out handing flyers because ADAM asked us to!" Becky said.

Adam scratched his head sheepishly and averted his eyes.

"YOU! WHERE WERE YOU?" Balthazar pointed stubby finger at him.

"I was cleaning the windows!" Adam replied, hoping his alibi would hold in the court of Balthazar.

"Is that true?" Balthazar hissed, turning to Becky and Kevin.

"Well, I mean, he was when we arrived?" Kevin said.

"Alright, alright, it seems you all have excuses... But you're not off hook!" Balthazar smiled slyly, Adam breathed in a a sigh of relief but Kevin and Becky were confused, the guinea pigs were the only reason they were there - there was no way he would be this calm after losing a fortune.

"Um, are you sure you don't want to like check the security camera, I mean like that's up there for a reason?" Kevin said, in a sassy tone.

"I turned that bloody thing off after I saw you two snooping through my private footage!" Balthazar snorted.

"Well that's inconvenient, it's almost as if you secretly sold them and are now lying so that we get no part of the money." Becky said, Balthazar's eyes lit up at the mention of money.

"Money, money, money, you think I do it all for the money?" Balthazar closed in on his two workers. "No, no, it's about the business too, I get a thrill from the business, "it's nice doing business with you, sir" and "glad to have done business with you, madam"- it's all part of the job, you think I'd pass off some extra business deals with you for how little of the money I was planning on giving you?"

"Wait, how much were you planning on giving us?" Kevin now sounded confused rather than his usual sassy voice.

"That's not important." Balthazar replied. "It's all subjective, what's little to me is a lot to you!"

This seemed enough to convince the pair.

"What is important is that all of you have failed me." He snarled, his gold teeth on display again. "And for that you will need to be punished."

"What makes you think we're still going to work for you?" Becky asked. "We were relying on this money."

"Exactly, that money was the one reason we hadn't quit." Kevin added.

"YOU THINK I'M GIVING UP?!" Balthazar spat. "WE ARE NOT LETTING THOSE RODENTS GET AWAY FROM US. WE WILL TRACK THEM DOWN."

"How the hell are we going to find them then?" Becky said.

"That will be your new jobs, no more pet shop, you will be tracking down the rodents and if you find them, you may just find your share of the money growing!" Balthazar gave a businessman's smile.

"Fine." Kevin and Becky agreed.

"What about me? What about my job?" Adam asked. "You can't just throw me out, I've been needing a job for God knows how long!"

"Well once you've cleared out this place, sold the pets off to cosmetics industries and laboratories and what not, then what would you say to working for Balthazar Enterprises, you'll be paid greatly." Balthazar held out a fat hand.

"Um, sure but cosmetic industries and laboratories? Couldn't I just sell them to some pet owners or other pet stores?" Adam looked worried.

"You could, but that's not what I want." Balthazar winked. "I don't like big old animals no more."

"Oh. Erm, I'll do what I can!" Adam lied, he knew he would just take them to another pet shop.

"So you'll be joining those two on their rodent hunt?" Balthazar bloated hand was still extended.

"Yes, Sir!" Adam decided in that moment that he would be the mole, he could make sure they got no where near the guinea pigs even if it cost him his job, so with that, he shook his hand.

Back at the apartment, a party was happening. "Boom Boom Pow" was blasting out of some speakers at level that was acceptable for the building and the guinea pigs were getting SO down.

"Wow, Buster, you're really busting some moves!" Zoey grinned as she gave the guinea pig a high five while he span like a roundabout on the coffee table.

"I'm also bustin' a nut!" He winked.

"You've used that one at least three times since you arrived!" Zoey smiled and Buster stopped dancing for a while.

"Why did we leave the rats?" Joey asked out of nowhere.

"What rats?" Zoey asked, stopping the music.

"There were rats in the cage with us and there was a gerbil." Joey said.

"Oh the sawduster is here, Joey." Princess informed him. "He's just hiding, I saw him in the car when we shaking."

"What about the rats?" Zoey asked.

"Yeah, what about the rats?" Princess agreed.

"Okay, does anyone know what happened to the rats?" Joey announced.

Bertha and Buster exchanged looks.

"We do not know what happened to the rats." Buster smiled and turned the music back on.

"Boom Boom Pow" started up again and this time, the dancing was wild. Dip and Dot took center stage, legs outstretched, spread wide and buttered like toast, there was no denying the sex appeal.

"Do they always dance like that?" Zoey whispered to Buster.

"Yep, and let me tell you, it never gets old!" Buster replied, absentmindedly, his eyes fixated on the movement of the mice's hips.

"Oh okay." Zoey went to the kitchen. "Anyone want anything?"

"Everything!" Joey murmured, covered by the shouts of "Lettuce!" by everyone else.

Zoey returned with one large lettuce and sat it down in front of the gang.

"Cannonball!" Joey dived in, stuffing his face with the leafy goodness.

"Wow, Joey, way to ruin everything." Buster muttered as he snacked quietly next to Bertha.

"It's so tender, it melts in your mouth." Bertha mumbled as she dug in.

"Woah, guys you're really enjoying that." Zoey sat down next to Harold who was enjoying a pint.

"Don't you want any Marley?" Buster asked.

"What." Marley said.

It wasn't long till the lettuce was stripped of it's flesh and was left as nothing more than a skeleton.

"That was fast, too fast!" Zoey joked.

"Never too fast or too furious!" Buster grinned, sitting back and relaxing, his stomach feeling full with food.

Adam was on his way back, excited to see his homegirl and to find out how the gang had settled in.

Once he arrived back to his room, he explained to them that he'd been hired by Balthazar and they had to be very careful as Kevin and Becky were looking for them .

"How do we know you aren't secretly working for him now?" Buster asked. "I mean, it's a lot of money."

"Buster, it's Adam, he'd never do that. " Zoey reassured him.

"Yeah, Buster, moi chico, it's Adam!" Bertha said, her spanish accent seeping over her words and coating them in a spicy honey.

"Oh wow, Adam, for a second there you really sounded like both your girlfriend and mine." Buster said, not convinced.

"What did you say?" Bertha suddenly span round to face him.

"I said, "Oh wow Adam -" " Buster began.

"No, no, after that, idiota, what did you call me?" Bertha was in a exotic fury. "Did you call me your girlfriend?"

"Of course not!" Buster stammered. "W-why would you say that? And if I did would it really even be that bad?"

"Not cool dude." Adam said.

"I DIDN'T CALL HER MY GIRLFRIEND." Buster roared, he spun round in anger.

"Pretty sure you did!" Joey piped up.

"THIS ISN'T THE POINT!" Buster screamed. "I just wanna hear from Adam himself that we can trust him!"

"Look, little dude, you can trust me, I wouldn't ever betray you guys, I'm only joining Balthazar so I can make sure they don't find you." Adam promised.

"Buster, if you don't believe him, you can leave." Bertha said, her voice cold, this was unusual for her because of her hot spanish descent.

"Fine, maybe I will, but don't think I'll be buying you when you're all fur coats because you put your trust in the wrong human." Buster got up and walked out of the apartment, his eyes stinging with the tears to come.

"No, Buster, you can't cry, not now, not when they've chosen Adam over you, they don't deserve your tears." He told himself as he scurried across the hallway carpet.

"Where are you gonna go, Buster?" He looked round to see Adam standing in the doorway. "You can't just live on the streets, you're a guinea pig!"

"Yeah well this guinea pig is leaving!" Buster turned away.

"I'm not letting you leave." Adam caught up with him. "Look, I know you don't like me and I don't know why but I wanna make this work."

"Well if you wanna make this work then let me get away from you, I'm sorry you took my place in the gang!" Buster roared and continued to walk.

Adam ran after him and picked him up.

"Put me down!" Buster yelled "You've done enough damage!"

"I'm taking you somewhere special and we're gonna talk it out," Adam said, taking him to the elevator. "Bro to Bro!"

Buster stayed silent on the journey to the roof, they eventually reached the top of the apartment building and Adam took him out to a bench overlooking the city.

"Little bro, this place is too big for you, it's a man's world and you gotta be able to stand on your two feet!" Adam told him as he put him down beside him.

"I can stand on my two feet!" Buster stood up.

"It's not the same, those aren't necessarily your feet, they could be your arms, you know?" Adam replied. "What I'm saying is, you're an animal and you need to rely on us humans to survive, going out to the wild would kill you."

"Really?" Buster said. "Cause I'm pretty damn sure there's a large population of animals living out in the wild all over the world, in areas more dangerous than this."

"You don't get it do you?" Adam sighed. "You're not a wild animal, you don't know what to do in situations where it's either kill or be killed."

"Well how about I just kill myself then." Buster said, jumping off the bench and walking over to the edge of the building.

"Dude, NO!" Adam screamed.

"I kid, I kid, I wouldn't kill myself, I'm too cool for suicide, I wouldn't wanna do that to a hot bod like this." Buster gave a weak grin and flexed his strong, muscular arms.

"That was not funny!" Adam breathed in.

"Really? Cause I thought it would've been just what you wanted!" Buster walked back to the bench and jumped up.

"What makes you think that?!" Adam looked shocked.

"I die and you get to go back to not only your hot girlfriend but the hot, spicy, exotic girl of my dreams." Buster spat.

"You mean Bertha?" Adam asked. "What makes you think I'm into her?"

"Cause she's delicious, sexy, Spanish and totally into you?" Buster said, sarcasm dripping from his mouth.

"Bertha? Into me?" Adam was confused.

"You really haven't noticed?" Buster turned to him.

"No seriously," Adam shook his head. "I would never have guessed it, wow, who'd've thought!"

"Huh, makes ya think doesn't it." Adam laughed.

"Pfft, yeah I guess, I just wish she was into me." Buster sighed.

"Dude, I would never think of pursuing her, I got my girl, she's all yours." Adam put his hands up in mock defeat.

"Really?" Buster's eyes lit up.

"Yep!" Adam grinned. "In fact, I'll help you win her heart!"

"Maybe I underestimated your brosity." Buster smiled. "Bro fist it?"

"Bro fist it!" Adam accepted the small paw with his own strong fist.

Back in the room, Joey paced up and down.

"I won't believe it!" He cried. "I know he's a bit of a douche but he's a loyal douche."

"Maybe we put our trust in the wrong _guinea pig_ rather than human." Princess sniffed.

"Come on, guys, he's your friend," Zoey tried. "I'm sure Adam and him will be best buddies when they come back."

" _If_ they come back." Bertha corrected, but as she said it, the door opened and in came the pair.

"Howdy dowdy, it's the bro police!" Adam announced. "We're under arrest for being too good bros!"

"Told you!" Zoey laughed and gave Adam a quick peck on the cheek.

"This one's mine." Adam winked, gesturing to his girl.

Everyone was silent for a while and then black eyed peas was started up again.

That night, the guinea pigs and friends were given the lounge to roam and romp in with only the rules of no eating and no pooping.

"Woah!" Buster smiled as he sat next to Joey on the couch. "This must be what they call luxury."

"Yeah..." Joey replied, sounding dopey, it had been a long day and there had been maximum shaking.

"Hey, bro, I'll be back in a second, I just wanna check on the ladies." Buster said, the ladies had taken the neighboring couch and Harold had set himself up on a small armchair, Dip and Dot insisted the had the floor as according to them "they roll".

"Cool, bro, just don't eat all the magic dandelions." Joey muttered from dreamland as Buster laughed and hopped off the couch.

He climbed up to where Princess and Bertha were lounging around, they'd chatted about fur with Zoey for what seemed like hours and seemed have straight up zonked out since the humans had retreated to their bedroom to have sex.

"Buster, this is the girl's couch." Princess said, sounding bored.

"Just checking up, making sure everything is tip top!" Buster laughed, making a beeline for Bertha.

"Hey, Bertha, can we talk about earlier?" He managed.

"What is there to talk about?" Bertha had not been her usual spicy self since Buster had returned, she'd been spicy and hot with everyone else but she projected only icy cold chills to Buster.

"Please, it'll just take a minute." He pleaded.

"Fine," She said. "Princess, I'll be back in a bit."

"Couldn't care less." Princess replied.

The two guinea pigs hopped of the couch and made there way into the kitchen to talk.

"So what did you wanna say to me?" Bertha asked once they'd found a place to sit.

"Look, I know you're mad at me after what I did earlier, but I jus-" Buster started.

"No buts, I am mad at you." Bertha cut him off.

"Let me talk, WOMAN." Buster said, exasperated.

"Go on then." Bertha sighed, her spicyness had not yet returned.

"Bertha, I have a crush on you, in fact, I'm in love with you, I always have been and since Adam arrived, I've felt so damn useless, I wanted to be the one to help you solve our problem so maybe you would notice me and see me as more than a friend but instead Adam arrived like a knight in shining armor and you were his damsel in distress, and that's not you! You're an independent spicy Spanish girl and you don't need saving, I wanted to help you - not save you and he saved you and you LIKED it and it made me rethink everything!" Buster spilled out his heart in one go.

Bertha looked taken aback.

"Are you going to say anything?"

"I don't know what to say." She replied.

"I knew this was stupid, don't bother saying anything." Buster sighed and began to leave.

"It's not stupid, Buster," Bertha said. "I just, I don't feel the same way."

"I know." Buster turned back. "But it was worth a try."

"But I wanna be your friend again, I can't cope without you not being my friend." She said.

"I guess that's something." Buster gave a half smile.

"Something good and spicy?" Bertha winked, tugging at Buster's heartstrings.

"That's the exotic gal I'm in love with!" Buster grinned.

"Don't say that, sexy, I just told you I don't feel that way." Bertha said.

"Yeah." Buster said.

The two went back to their respective couches in better moods, ready for the second day at Adam's.

Meanwhile Balthazar had insisted he took Kevin and Becky out to a meal at his favourite red meats restaurant to discuss the situation.

"Oh, you didn't have to." Kevin said as a 3 plates of red meats arrived.

"Money is not a problem, this is serious business." Balthazar dug in.

"No, really, you didn't have to." Kevin grimaced as he pushed the plate a little further away from himself.

"It's red meats! What's not to enjoy!" Balthazar was neck deep in red meats, his lips covered in grease.

"Wow, he's really different when he's eating red meats." Becky whispered.

"I honestly can't tell if it's better or worse." Kevin replied under his breath.

It wasn't long before Balthazar had devoured all three plates (to the relief of Kevin and Becky).

"The karaoke has started, maggots!" Balthazar lurched forward, gold teeth lined with red meats between each crack.

"Karaoke? You?" Kevin laughed.

"I think he's serious." Becky said as they watched the potbellied man make his way up to the small stage.

"I'm guessing the food was poisoned." Kevin said.

Balthazar grabbed the microphone and picked a song quickly, you could tell by the speed he picked it that he had planned exactly what song to sing before coming on stage, maybe even before arriving, it was certainly a speedy selection, most of the people in the restaurant had noticed this and a quiet murmur spread over the room as they talked among themselves about how fast the fat man had picked the song.

The song he had picked was "Hooked on a feeling" a 1968 pop song written by Mark James and originally performed by B.J Thomas, though it's most commonly known for the 1974 cover by Blue Swede which included the "Ooga-Ooga-Ooga-Chaka" intro, that version was the one that Balthazar had chosen as enjoyed the "Ooga-ing" very much.

The music started and Balthazar began to sing, there was no way of describing the way he sang, it was indescribable and it was not something you could ever describe.

"I have the newest issue of Vogue." Kevin pulled out one of his many fashion magazines and the pair looked at it to distract themselves from Balthazar.

When Balthazar had finished, he returned to the table looking quite red in the face from being out of breath.

"That was certainly something." Kevin muttered, sounding sassy as usual.

"Now it's back to business, bugs." Balthazar growled, apparently the red meat feeling had ran out.

"Wait just a second." Kevin jumped up and ran to the stage.

He quickly turned on "Born this way" by Lady Gaga, he was a really good performer and his rendition seemed really meaningful as the message really spoke to him for some reason. He finished to a massive round of applause and ran back to the table.

"That was gay." Balthazar spat.

Kevin ignored him and exchanged a look with Becky.

"Anyway, like I said it's time to talk rodents." Balthazar said.

"Fine." Becky said. "Talk rodents or whatever."

"I didn't invite Adam here for a reason," Balthazar explained. "I still don't trust him and I think he has something to do with the missing rodents."

"Yeah, that's KINDA a given." Kevin said.

"I wanted to hire him so that we could get close to him, find out more and eventually find the rodents." Balthazar ignored Kevin's sassy comment. "But what I need you to do is to find out where he lives and check the place out!"

"You want us to stalk Adam?" Becky asked.

"Maybe we'll find out if he actually lives in basement." Kevin made yet another sassy remark.

"Find out where he lives by tomorrow afternoon or you're fired!" Balthazar hissed. "And about that punishment."

"What is it?" Becky said.

"I'm going to order another plate of red meats and I will not let you have any." Balthazar grinned, a sly look in his beady eyes.

"Oh wow, that's so terrible, that's worse than death." Kevin said, he got out yet another fashion magazine and began to flip through.

As the guinea pigs slept, they had no idea what was to come and what the future held, their safe haven was not going to be safe for much longer.


	12. Mission Impossible

"I can't believe I'd prefer to be back in that pet shop right now." Kevin said, looking around the office that Balthazar had transferred them to for the new investigation - operation guinea pig.

"I can believe it," Becky sighed. "At least back then we didn't ACTUALLY have to work with Adam _and_ in such a small space."

"Even if it is so can we 'stalk' him." Kevin replied.

The office was a small space, a pretty plain looking room with three desks, already set up with the equipment needed by some more of Balthazar's minions.

"Speaking of which," Becky said, sitting down on one of the desks. "Where is that loser?"

"Who cares?" Kevin picked the desk furthest away from the desk Adam would be having. "Maybe he crashed his car into a bus?"

"Or drove it into a river?" Becky laughed.

"We're assuming that weirdo even drives, more likely he fell off the subway platform." Kevin flicked through one of his many fashion magazines. "Or jumped, I wouldn't put it past him - looking like that."

The pair laughed but came abruptly to an end when the door open and Adam arrived.

"Good morning Vietnam!" He swung the door open violently.

There was silence in the office.

"I said... Good morning Vietnam!" Adam repeated.

"I don't remember there being a response." Kevin rolled his eyes.

"Perhaps, laughter comes to mind?!" Adam grinned, walking over to a desk and making himself at home. "I shall just sit my tushie down here and then you can explain the 'biz'."

"Didn't Balthazar tell you when he hired you?" Becky asked.

"Well he gave me a brief idea." Adam said. "He just told me to come here the next day and get to work finding those pigs!"

"Then you do know." Kevin said. "That's all we know too."

"Wait what?" Adam tried not to smile to himself. "Don't you have a lead?"

"No." Kevin replied, flatly. "He just told us to track them down."

"Wow, that's gonna be almost impossible?" Adam sounded hopeful.

"Yeah, we probably won't even find them, so we might as well just sit here and get payed for it." Becky said.

"Oh woah, that is... I don't know? Is that good or bad?" Adam said.

"Depends how you see it." Kevin said. "In our eyes, it's an opportunity for us to try and work on our fashion careers."

"I gotta go pee." Adam jumped up.

"Okay, there's a bathroom on the second floor." Becky pointed, absentmindedly.

"Gotta blast!" Adam zoomed out the room and jumped in the elevator.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, he grabbed his cellphone and called up Zoey.

"Babe, you will not believe what I've found out!" He exclaimed as soon as she picked up.

"Slow down, babe, I just got up!" She replied, sleepily.

Adam had received a phone call the previous night from Balthazar saying that he'd got one of his offices kitted out for the investigation and that his new job would start the following day at 8:00AM. Business went fast at Balthazar enterprises.

"Sorry, babe, I forgot how early it was!" Adam said. "Turns out, Balthazar has no leads on the missing guinea pigs and Kevin and Becky don't even plan on trying as they think it's impossible! God I'm glad they're such slackers!"

"Babe! That's awesome!" Zoey smiled.

"You gotta tell the guinea pigs, babe!" Adam clicked another floor as he rode up and down.

"Oh I will, babe, but they're not up yet," Zoey told him. "Remember how long of a day they had, not to mention we probably kept them up with our sexual intercourse!"

"You betcha, babe!" Adam arrived at the bottom floor once again. "Now I gotta go, don't want to look suspicious, see you later, babe!"

Back in the office, Kevin and Becky had not even switched on the computers.

"I can't believe he fell for that!" Becky laughed.

"I can." Kevin said, sounding sassy.

"Well I mean, parts of it are true, it's not like we're really going to do much work." Becky passed Kevin a fashion magazine, it was hard to find one he hadn't flipped through!

"It's gonna be like so easy to find out where they are from him." Kevin took the fashion magazine and flipped through. "And can you believe it? This magazine really thinks that flairs are gonna come back in style! Not for a few years, Satan!"

Once again, their laughter came to an end because of Adam's arrival.

"The party don't start til I walk in!" Adam sang as he returned to his desk.

"Ugh, the delivery was all wrong." Kevin muttered.

Adam sat down and swiveled round in his chair.

"Life here is gonna be a breeze!" He sighed, spinning in circles.

At the crib, the guinea pigs and friends were just starting to wake up from their long sleeps.

"That was certainly something!" Joey grinned, stretching.

"What was?" Buster looked confused.

"That sleep, my bro!" Joey said. "It was the best sleep I've had since I was in the womb!"

"Ew! That's so gross and weird, Joey!" Princess shouted from her couch.

"It's just childbirth, Princess, it's all natural." Bertha replied, sounding spicy.

"Rise and shine G-Pigs!" Zoey walked in.

"Don't forget us!" Dip and Dot said from the kitchen, they had started in the living room, they really did roll.

"How could I?" Zoey said, it wasn't really meant as a compliment although it seemed they took it that way.

"We do our best!" The two mice grinned, beginning their morning stretches, legs apart like flowers trying to reach the sunlight.

"Haha, yeah you do." Zoey said.

"So, any news from Adam?" Buster asked, he had tried his best to forget about Bertha's rejection of his love and instead focus on his newfound friendship with Adam.

"Yep! And you're gonna like it!" Zoey replied. "That bald dude has like no leads at all, like literally zero and his workers think it's so impossible that they're not even going to try and find you guys!"

"Wait, so does that mean...?" Joey said.

"You're safe!" Zoey picked up the chubby guinea pig and span him round, making him throw up.

"That's fair." Joey said as he was put down.

"Alright, guys, lightsabers off, we can get our party sticks out!" Buster yelled.

"But do we still want to keep us not that we're not in danger?" Princess asked as Buster made his way obnoxiously over to the speakers.

"Of course!" Zoey reassured her. "Who would say no to some talking animals?"

"All animals can talk actually and you would be able to understand them it's just we choose not to so there's actually nothing special about us and with that logic you should technically adopt every animal in existence." Marley said.

"Party sticks!" Buster reminded the group and loudly arrived at the speaker, hand poised to play "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas.

"Partay STICKS!" The rest of the gang chorused as the speakers blasted their favourite tune.

"Wow, you sure love this song!" Zoey smiled as she danced with Marley,

"It's alright!" Buster boogied on the coffee table.

Bertha shook her shapely hips to the rhythm, you could tell she could feel the harmonies bouncing off of her body in a sensual fashion, moving her in ways nobody knew possible, not even herself. The tune was perfect, the right amount of tempo, bass and treble to get them all dancing, Bertha's curvy body couldn't stop not even if the world came tumbling down beside her and even then she'd still have Buster staring at her as if she were the Angel Gabriel himself.

"Eyes off, chica." She winked, rubbing her body up against Buster's.

"Really, cause that's not what your body is telling me." Buster moved with her rhythm.

"Close your eyes and just feel me." She caressed his hips. "Imagine we're making love on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean."

"Woah, Bertha, you told me you weren't into me." Buster reminded her.

"That's why I told you to imagine, cause that's the closest you're ever gonna get to being with me." Bertha smiled, rubbing against him harder.

"That's fine by me." The two guinea pigs intertwined, locking bodies as if to say "the music has took me somewhere so far I forgot who I was", when they danced they weren't themselves, they were two lovers who nobody could ever tear apart - not even the forces of time itself could separate them.

"Has anyone heard of a rat king?" Marley asked out of nowhere, anyone close enough would know why this was asked when they saw the color of his eyes.

Bertha and Buster exchanged a knowing glance.

"Marley, you're so weird!" Joey giggled as he did the cha cha cha.

"Nah." Marley disagreed but everyone knew Joey was right, but who were they to judge? They were just a bunch of misfits, clowns and fools. The mimes that learnt to speak and the jokers that forgot how to smile.

Inside the office, Adam was working hard.

Working hard on a drawing.

While Becky and Kevin had discussed the latest fashion trends, he had decided to get to work on a sketch that he'd always wanted to draw.

The drawing was of him, Zoey and a rhino.

It was strange, whimsical and honestly quite endearing.

Adam had never seen a rhino and nor did he ever plan to, he just wanted to draw them beside him and who he loved.

"So Adam," Becky called across the room.

Adam looked up from his moment of creativity.

"Do you actually live in your parents basement?" She asked, receiving a laugh from Kevin, who was flipping through a fashion magazine..

"No, I live in an apartment with my girlfriend!" Adam sounded offended. "I thought that was a joke! You didn't actually think I lived in a basement right?"

"I don't think you want to hear the answer to that." Kevin had his legs rested on his desk, his designer pants on display, they were top brand and extremely stylish.

"Seriously though, I live with my girlfriend!" Adam protested.

"Yeah, yeah, we gotta see it to believe it!" Becky said.

"What do you want me to do?" Adam replied. "Drive you down to it right now?!"

"Or," Kevin said. "You could go on Google Streetview™ and find it for us?"

"Huh, I didn't know gay people used Google Streetview™." Adam said. "But sure."

"Why would you think that?" Kevin looked up from the fashion magazine he was flipping through. "I use it all the time to find out if a mall is worth going to!"

"YOU ADMITTED IT." Adam jumped up, pointing. "YOU ADMITTED YOU WERE GAY."

"Oh that, yeah, everyone knows - except my parents." Kevin said. "Don't expect an award for figuring it out."

"Wow, you're even more sassy now I know it's true." Adam breathed in. "So why didn't you admit it before?"

"Because Balthazar was there and he has a different opinion on gays to most people." Kevin explained.

"So he's homophobic?" Adam asked.

"Nope," Kevin said. "He has this weird theory that all gay people like steakhouses, I don't know where he got it from but if he knew he would stop at nothing to try and prove it - even if I told him I was a vegetarian, which I'm not by the way."

"Well that's just plain psycho!" Adam laughed.

"Ugh, nobody cares Adam, just get up Google Streetview™!" Becky said, making her way over to his desk.

Adam quickly searched for his street and showed it to the two.

"Home sweet home!" He announced.

"I'm genuinely shocked." Kevin said. "I can't believe you have an apartment."

"Why?" Adam asked.

"Have you seen yourself?" Kevin wandered back to his desk giving Becky a secret high five as he went. They had accomplished so much, so easily and it was only the first day.

Adam worked on his drawing for the rest of the day and by the time he was finished it was not long before Kevin had used it to wipe up a spilled drink.

He was thankful to return to his girlfriend after such a strange day and he was excited to chat to his new friends and learn more about what it meant to be a guinea pig.

On the ride home, he switched on the radio which was playing a favourite of his, "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5, he danced and sung to himself, imagining how much the animals would've enjoyed the beat of it and he could almost picture how the tempo would fit so well with Bertha's curves.

When he got to his building, he bumped into Sid who was just leaving.

"Howdy Sid!" He greeted the tall man.

"Adam, no time to talk, pal!" Sid gave him a quick smile.

"You're such a spy!" Adam grinned, receiving a halfhearted attempt at fake laughter from the other man.

As soon as he stepped through the doors, he knew something was wrong.

He could smell business, he could smell money and he could sure as hell smell red meats.

"Adam, you dirty snail," Balthazar was standing in the hallway. "I've been waiting for you."

"Y-you have?" He stammered. "W-why? How did you get my address?"

"I have my sources." Balthazar sneered, showing his golden teeth.

Adam cursed to himself, why did he show Kevin and Becky where he lived?!

"Why did you come here, sir?" Adam tried not to sound suspicious.

"Only to ask about your first day, worm, don't get your toenails in a twist." Balthazar gave a hearty laugh, his potbelly shaking, it was hearty but it was cold.

"Oh!" Adam breathed in a sigh of relief, naive to the true meanings of the man's visit. "Cool!"

"So, did you find anything out about the rodent's whereabouts?" Balthazar asked, a belch slipping out halfway.

"No, sir!" Adam said. "Sorry, we didn't really have much to go on!"

"Well Kevin and Becky said they managed to find a guinea pig dealer nearby who may've had something to do with it, were you slacking off, you congealed turkey?!" Balthazar thundered, going in circles now on the spot.

"Did they?" Adam was confused, they hadn't even switched on their computers, maybe they'd found it out before he'd arrived? He had been late after all. "Oh, yeah I forgot about that!"

"Don't forget again, fisheggs, those rodents are worth more then you'll ever make in your life!" Balthazar snarled. He patted his belly to stop himself from strangling Adam, he knew he was lying to him, there was no guinea pig dealer and although it was all a trick to make Adam believe they really were on a wild goose chase, he still hated the fact on of his inferiors was lying to him.

"Was that all, sir?" Adam asked, hoping the bald man would leave him be.

"I was wondering if I could come to your apartment and discuss my plan in a little more... Detail, perhaps over some red meats?" Balthazar gave a sly grin.

"O-of course!" Adam managed, he had to warn Zoey!

As the unlikely pair traveled up on the elevator, Adam found himself choking on the thick smell of something you could cut with your own damn finger, it smelt like rotten eggs and fruity garlicky undertones were evident in the stench.

"What is that?!" He held his nose.

"What's what, wormitt?" Balthazar looked quite contempt, almost calm and more relaxed and relieved than earlier, as if something held in had been released.

"Don't worry." Adam said, putting two and two together.

When they arrived at his floor, Adam made sure to loudly thank Balthazar for taking the time to visit him.

Inside the apartment, the guinea pigs and friends had gotten the message.

"I thought we were supposed to be safe!" Joey hissed as he and Buster hurried to the master bedroom where Zoey and Adam had recently had sex.

"Maybe he's not here because of us?" Bertha suggested.

"Yeah! I'm sure Adam just really wanted a turd round for dinner!" Princess snapped as she and the rest of the pets followed in pursuit.

"Never mind why he's here, what matters is that he's here and we've gotta hide or we're dead men!" Buster howled as they took refuge underneath the bed sheets.

As the animals piled under the covers, they could feel the soft material create friction with their bodies, it was silky and rough against their fur and was somehow so delicate but at the same time it felt like a hundred fleas passing over them.

Bertha could feel the material on her curves, she could imagine how she would've looked to someone outside of the duvet, looking at her body beneath the material, just an oddly sexy shape that was hidden beneath blankets and more blankets until even her curviest of curves were not as defined as usual.

Dip and Dot rolled and tumbled, enjoying the knowledge of what this particular bed was used for regularly, they could imagine how anyone who walked in right there and then would just see two sexy jumping beans going left, right and center, they knew that they would be strangely turned on.

Buster and Joey felt similar, it was a very extreme feeling of being trapped beneath something strong and powerful yet comforting, it was not a bad feeling - one could all most say it was an almost sensual feeling.

Harold decided to hide under a pillow instead so he just felt as if he was drifting off to a luxury sleep.

The Sawduster was no where to be seen, he could've been right on Balthazar's big red bulbous nose that was like this because of red meats and he wouldn't have even been spotted.

Princess felt her long fur go static, adding to the increasingly nice feeling of being under material.

They all heard talking, they heard footsteps, they heard awkward laughter and then they heard the question.

"Take me to where you and the missus have sexual intercourse."

It was unmistakably Balthazar and he was heading their way.

They all panicked, jumped from beneath the material and dropped to the floor, scurrying beneath the bed in an attempt to stay safe.

And it had worked, Balthazar poked his bulging head round the door and almost immediately left the room, he then moved on to the bathroom - tested it out for sure and then went back to the living room and said his goodbyes.

Once they heard the door click, the guinea pigs and friends ran out as quick as possible and confronted the humans.

"Why was he here?!" Buster demanded.

"He just wanted to check on how the "mission" is going, nothing to worry about cause now he thinks we definitely can't have you!" Adam grinned.

But outside, on the journey back down to ground floor, Balthazar had already rang up Becky and Kevin to tell them.

"They're in the flat, I could smell them."


	13. Buster Vs. Love

It had been a restless night for the Guinea pigs, not only did the sofas feel lumpy against their bodies but Zoey and Adam were hard at work in bed, slamming the floorboards and shaking the walls. Buster was surprised they didn't actually break the bed, maybe they did? Who knows? Buster didn't.

Despite their chat, Buster still felt different around Bertha, he just wanted her to feel the same way, to touch him in ways only possible with erotic love. But all she gave him was the erotica.

"I'm missing the love, Goddamnit!" Buster snarled. "And while I'm here missing it, I can hear Adam making it!"

"Buster, buddy, you're talking aloud again!" Joey hissed, looking drowsy as ever.

"You say that as if I don't know!" Buster replied, looking livid. "I just WANT TO MOVE!"

"Like move as in motion?" Joey perked up in confusion.

"Yes, of course, you numbnut! I wanna feel my body in tune with the beat, only then does Bertha take me as her own." Buster moved his hips in demonstration.

"Not this Bertha crap again! You're delusional, buddy! It's obvious she likes you really!" Joey tried to reassure the fuming Guinea pig.

"Really?! Cuz last time I checked that wasn't where she stands with me!" Buster paced up and down.

"Oh! Oh! Oh!... Bagouch!" He cursed.

"Language, missy!" Joey nudged his friend in jest.

"You always know who to cheer me up! Thanks for the advice." Buster gave a small smile and went back to sleep against his cushion.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, Balthazar was hard at work in the makeshift office.

"Greedy little goblins!" He grinned to himself, rubbing his belly in pride. "Hiding away in some silly old apartment!"

He looked proudly at the cages he'd got his ruddy hands on.

"Think you're safe do you?!" He roared. "Well just wait and see!"

"Um... Balthazar... Could you like not?" Kevin said, sassily, looking up from his fashion magazine he'd been flipping through.

"And why is that, twink!?" Balthazar turned his greasy attention to him.

"1. The guinea pigs aren't here, 2. If they were they wouldn't be able to understand you and 3. I can't concentrate on my fashion magazine that I'm flipping through!" Balthazar was shot down but yet another of Kevin's sassy remarks.

Balthazar was silent for a moment, then he took a red meat from his pocket and slapped Kevin round the face with it.

"Ew! You're gross!" Kevin winced. "Why don't you get angry at Becky?! It's like 3AM and I haven't fallen asleep yet but SHE has!"

"If you insist." Balthazar picked up the red meat and softly laid it on Becky's hair.

"Just a little treat for when she wakes up!" Balthazar chortled as the greasy red meat made itself at home.

"Oh. My. God." Kevin breathed, his face full of disgust. "That's not even my hair but I'm gonna throw up!"

Kevin's face went slightly green at the thought of any fabulous hair ruined and he ran to the bathroom.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you!" Balthazar gave a gassy belch, remembering what he'd left in the john earlier.

"What in RuPaul IS THAT?" Kevin screamed, feeling even more nauseous.

"Still got some leftovers!" Balthazar twitched and a steamy hot gas emitted.

Kevin threw up on Balthazar.

"I quite enjoyed that feeling." Balthazar gave a classic golden grin.

"You are unreal!" Kevin grabbed a load of fashion magazines and stormed out.

"So many times have I been thrown up on by younger men and each time it's more enjoyable than the last!" Balthazar let out a bout of laughter.

"Ugh, where am I?" Becky said as she awoke to the sound. "Wait... WHAT'S ON MY HAIR?!"

"Just red meats!" Balthazar cackled.

Kevin was soon joined by Becky outside.

"I do not know how long I can put up with that guy!" Becky exclaimed. "He is like the living embodiment of burping!"

"Just until we find the guinea pigs then we can get a share of that money and get on with our fashion company!" Kevin assured her.

"Why can't we just do it ourselves now?" Becky said. "Like, we know where they are, they think they're safe, it's easy! We don't need some "evil plan" to do it!"

"We can't really just break into Adam's house and I doubt he'd invite us round for a party anytime soon, especially with those rodents cooped up in there!" Kevin contemplated. "But, I do agree, I think we would make a fabulously more competent team with out Balthazar."

"How about this," Becky suggested. "Tomorrow night, we tell Balthazar we can't work through the night again and while he's in here still trying to figure out what to do with those dumb cages, we can disguise ourselves and go to Adam's."

"I like the way you think, it's pretty fabulous if you ask me!" Kevin grinned. "We get the guinea pigs and sell them ourselves! Then we could get all the money and we'd be able to start our company easily!"

"Then no more Balthazar! Ever again!" Becky exclaimed.

"Now what could we disguise ourselves as?" Kevin asked. "It gotta be something fabulous!"

"I bet Adam would still recognize us." Becky sighed.

"But his girlfriend wouldn't..." Kevin suddenly realized.

"Yes! It's perfect, all we gotta do is make sure Adam is gone all night!" Becky said.

"Hmm... I think I know how!" Kevin tapped his nose. "But we gotta go see Balthazar."

The pair returned to the office, Balthazar was still pacing around.

"Hey, Balthazar?" Kevin said.

"What do you want now, you slimy twink!?" Balthazar roared.

"Ugh, calm down," Kevin sighed. "I was just thinking, Adam is probably slightly suspicious that we know more than we've been letting on after you turned up at his house earlier."

"What's your point?" Balthazar sneered.

"You gotta make him believe we're desperate for clues, that you're furious that you haven't found any proper leads yet." Kevin explained. "He's probably confused that he's only working during the day."

"So what do you suppose I do?" Balthazar listened intently.

"All you gotta do is turn up here as he's leaving for the night and insist he works all night, pretend you're having like a breakdown and need his help because you don't think your ever gonna find the guinea pigs, then he'll REALLY let his guard down." Kevin continued.

"Alright, fine, I like your idea." Balthazar said, a belchy grin creeping up. "I'll make sure it's only him and he's gonna be here ALL night!"

Becky and Kevin exchanged triumphant glances, they'd managed to get Adam out of the way and Balthazar still thought they were on his side.

"But now, GET BACK TO WORK YOU MEASLY GRUBS!" Balthazar roared. "You're here all night and all day tomorrow!"

Back at the pig-crib, the sun had shone in through the windows and awoken the guinea pigs.

"Good morning, time to start the day!" Buster stretched, he decided he would play hard to get with Bertha, see how she would feel when the tables were turned.

She claimed she didn't like him but the amount of sexual tension could not be fake, maybe she only wanted him for his body? But he didn't care, he had a plan, every time she would try and lure him in with her body only to throw him down on the cold hard concrete of rejection, he would reject her first.

"Morning to you, my chico!" Bertha called, moving her body back and forth.

"Chico? Haha! Who said you could call me that!" He replied. "How did you sleep?!"

Bertha looked shocked for a moment but replied. "I slept like a goddess, do you wanna hear about the dream I had?"

"Sure!" Buster jumped off his couch and went over to the girls' one.

"So it started off on a beach, I was lying there, my body on display to the Gods, I felt so vulnerable yet dominating... And then you came along, and together we-"

Buster cut her off. "Woah, woah, woah! Maybe save that bit for your gal friends, I don't know if yo bro wanna know!"

"Oh... Well.. That's unexpected." She said bitterly. "I didn't even dream that, I dreamt that I had sex with Adam, I just made it up cause I thought you'd enjoy it."

"Aww, no can do, Bertha buddy! But it's the thought that counts!" Buster grinned, it hurt to know what she really had dreams about but still, he was winning. "Wanna go grab some breakfast, I think Zoey is making some pretty early cause Adam gotta go "help" Kevin and Becky find us at like 8am!"

"Okay, you sure you don't wanna hear my dream about you?" Bertha asked as she hopped off the couch.

"Nah, I'm alright but thanks!" Buster smiled as the two walked into the kitchen.

"Morning guys!" Zoey waved, Joey, Marley, Adam and Harold were already chowing down on some tasty nibbles. "Could one of you go wake up Princess and Dip 'n' Dot, I don't want them to miss breakfast as I gotta go run some errands early today and Adam won't be here either!"

"My baby works at a 4 star hotel!" Adam gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"I bet you wish that was us!" Bertha whispered, seductively.

"Not really!" Buster replied perkily. "You wanna go wake the others, I gotta talk to Joey bout food!"

"Um.. Yeah... Sure?" Bertha looked uncertain, she was angry her tactics weren't having their usual effect.

"I can't believe I'm getting paid for double crossing Balthazar AND doing nothing!" Adam grinned, reminding everyone what's what.

"Hey can we get some tunes up in this place!?" Buster said, but he was already at speaker, striding over at an alarming speed.

"Maybe we should wait til we've finished breakfast, I know how carried away you guys get with the dancing!" Zoey suggested but her voice was drowned out by "Boom Boom Pow" blasting out.

The dancing was a lot less soulful without the girls there, it was more of a big bro bash, lots of silly dancing and bro-tastic boogieing.

"They sure do dance differently when the girls are gone!" Zoey shouted over the music.

"I know right! It's like they're whole different guinea pigs!" Adam agreed.

"We dance so differently without the gals!" Joey realized as he did his signature "cha cha cha".

"Yeahhh, brooo, I feel like a whole different guinea pig!" Marley breathed, eyes pink.

"Too right!" Buster felt liberated being with his bros.

Soon the girls came in, their bodies tumbling over each other, hips, derrieres, thighs, they were everywhere. It was a bundle of chaos, sexual chaos. Sexual chaos was the only way to describe the way they moved. Shaking this way and that, bodies colliding like shooting stars, legs spread like butter. It was a treat for the ages.

"Buster, come and dance with me!" Bertha shook her thighs, her tight fur thick with sex.

"I'd rather not!" Buster grinned. "Maybe later, bro!"

Bertha stopped dancing, she glided over to the speaker and turned it off.

"Hey, who turned off the sound!" Joey protested.

"Don't worry, my bro!" Buster had already taken a couple pretentious strides over to the speaker and turned it back on.

"I don't want Black Eyed Peas hit single "Boom Boom Pow"!" Bertha shouted.

"Fine..." Buster said smugly and turned on "I gotta feeling", another popular tune by the Black Eyed Peas.

"People in the place, If you wanna get down ,Put your hands in the air, Will. drop the beat now!" Bertha soulfully yelled over the song, trying desperately to ignite the spark inside of Buster.

"Wrong song, Biotch!" Buster started to dance really quickly.

"They have so much energy!" Zoey said in awe as she watched Joey jumping around in his breakfast, fur covered in egg and bacon.

"So true, mon cheri!" Adam winked, Bertha looked at him furious that he used her language in such a way.

"Woah!" Adam saw the clock. "Would you look at the time?! I gotta zoom!"

"Oh crap! Me too!" Zoey grabbed her bag and the pair rushed out the kitchen.

"I'll be back at 5 again!" Adam called. "Zoey will be back around 8!"

"We got this place to ourselves!" Buster hollered. "Whambam thank you sweat glands!"

He kissed his pecks and returned to dancing.

Bertha was still sulking by the speaker.

"Guys!" Joey called. "Wanna explore the apartment?"

"I'm in!" The others chorused.

Adam was on his way to yet another day at Balthazar enterprises... Well kinda...

"Aww yeahhh this is my tune!" Adam grinned as "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco came on the radio.

He started moshing, violently.

Noticing that he was getting a few looks, he decided to flaunt it, opening his windows and roaring out the lyrics to anyone who cared.

When he arrived at the office, he was surprised to see Balthazar standing there, potbelly and all.

"Ello, ello, ello!" Balthazar greeted him. "Just the man I need to see!"

"Whaddup, bossman!" Adam saluted.

"As you know, we've been having some, how shall I say? Problems, in the search but I believe you and you alone have potential!" He gestured to Kevin and Becky who were asleep at their desks.

"Woah can I draw a peepee on Kevin's face!?" Adam grabbed a marker of the desk.

"Knock yourself out but he'd probably like it, you know 'ow much of a twink he is." Balthazar snorted, accompanied with a belch.

"Damn it!" Adam cursed.

"So, I want you to work the night shift! It'll just be me and you, working together to find those pigs!" Balthazar spat. "All night!"

"Erm... Sure!" Adam wished he could decline but he knew it'd be a good opportunity to lie to him.

"Good doing business with you!" Balthazar belched on his hand and held it out to be shook.

Adam shivered but obliged.

Balthazar left, leaving a rotten stink. "Wake up those lazy rats will ya?"

Adam tapped Kevin and Becky on the shoulder to awaken them.

"Don't bother." Kevin said sounding sassy as usual.

It was gonna be a long day, Adam took out a notepad again for more drawings, this time he decided to draw the guinea pigs as humans. It was an all round enjoyable experience until Kevin woke up tore it up.

Back at the apartment, the guinea pigs had left their safe haven and were now wondering the halls.

"Woah! The fibres on this carpet feel really good on my body!" Buster smiled, feeling the material move up and down on his underside.

"Good to know!" Joey grinned, chomping on a carrot.

"Yeah, I really enjoyed that information." Bertha agreed, although she hated to admit it.

"So like where are we going?" Princess asked, hoping it wasn't somewhere she classed as icky.

"Who knows? Who cares!" Buster said. "I guess we're just going wherever these comfy fibres take us!"

"Ugh sure, as long as it's no where gross!" Princess replied.

"How about this one?" Buster suggested a door.

"Sounds yummy!" Joey said.

"Shall we knock?" Bertha asked.

"Nah! Let's just BUST in!" Buster smugly opened the door.

The room was dark except one singular candle in the corner.

"Looks like whoever lives here is out!" Buster was proud of his decision to break in.

"Or a jetpack Dracula." Marley eyed up a jetpack in the corner of the room.

"Lets go check out the other rooms!" Buster lead the others over to where the candle was.

"It's like a trail!" Bertha breathed as they noticed that in the next room there were more candles, leading them into what they presumed was the bedroom.

Despite it being empty, there were a lot of candles lit.

"Maybe whoever lives here is only out for a short time, they could come back any second now!" Princess shrieked.

"What in dalmatian?!" Buster exclaimed as he noticed all the weapons around the room.

"Who lives here?! A serial killer?!" Joey screamed.

"Or maybe just your regular sadomasochist!"

They all turned to see who had spoken but because they were in a room with no candles, they were no where to be seen.

"Wait! Who are you? How can you understand us?!" Bertha suddenly realized.

"Because..." The figure stepped out of the shadows. "I'm a Komodo Dragon."

All the guinea pigs froze, a predator! And they'd just broken into their apartment.

"Relax rodents!" The komodo dragon assured. "I don't bite, unless you like it!"

They did NOT relax.

"I'm kidding! I only eat human food."

"Who are you?!" Buster asked.

"Agnes, I'm just a regular gal." She said.

"Regular?!" Princess gestured to the equipment around her.

"That doesn't stop me being a regular gal, it's subjective really." Agnes sighed. "Please tell me you're not some of those close minded sex haters?"

"I'm quite the opposite!" Buster winked.

"But... But... How do live here?!" Bertha asked.

"My old owner left me here a couple years ago, the people have no idea they don't live here still!" Agnes explained.

"What about rent?" Buster asked.

"What about it? Apart from it's one of my favourite movies!" Agnes gave a dry, knowing laugh.

"Can you just actually answer me?" Buster snarled.

"Basically I steal money." Agnes sashayed in.

"So, you, a massive lizard, just strolls into the city and SOMEHOW gets away with stealing money?" Bertha rolled her eyes. "Nice try."

"What would even be the point of pretending to steal?" Agnes said. "I have a really good dog outfit."

"Wicked!" Joey breathed.

"Too right." Agnes said. "Anyway, what are you guys doing in this place, especially in my apartment?"

"Basically we got saved from a pet shop cause this fat guy was gonna kill us for our fur and now we're living across the hall with this cool dude bro and his hot girlfriend." Buster said. "And we were exploring and decided to bust in, I'm Buster by the way."

"Quite the story." Agnes smiled seductively. "Ever been whipped before?"

"Nah, I'd rather do the whipping!" Buster took hold of the whip.

"Fine by me, I'm pretty flexible!" Agnes grinned.

"Then flex yourself to hell." Bertha said.

"Hey, we should leave!" Joey noticed the tension in the air.

"And why is that, fatty?" Agnes sauntered over.

"Cause I want fucking lunch, bitch." Joey grinned, high fiving everyone except Buster and Agnes.

"Fine, but Buster, come back tonight?" She winked at him.

"Of course." Buster said as they left the apartment.

"What the hell was that guys?" Buster yelled as the door closed behind them.

"She was so creepy, she was a freakazoid!" Joey exclaimed. "Like no offense to freaks, we're freaks ourselves but she was bad freaky!"

"Yeah well she's my superfreak and I'm visiting her tonight whether you like it or not." Buster stomped off.

"Joey, I need to talk to you." Bertha hissed, taking him aside.

"What up, Bertha?" Joey asked.

"You have to make sure he doesn't see her!" Bertha whispered.

"But you said yourself you didn't like Buster like that!" Joey retorted.

"Of course I like Buster like that!" Bertha exclaimed. "I'm just playing hard to get, but there's no point if no ones trying to get you!"

"Wait what! He only started ignoring your advances cause he thought you were just leading him on!" Joey sighed.

"Damn!" Bertha cursed. "I thought he knew! I thought it was a little thing we had, I thought he knew I was only pretending not to like him back!"

"In his defense it was kinda hard to tell..." Joey said.

"Anyway, we gotta stop him." Bertha replied.

"I don't know, Bertha, maybe we should just let him." Joey shrugged.

"What if she like kidnaps him?" Bertha said. "We can't trust her!"

"Ahh... You're right, I hated her." Joey gave in. "Lets stop him!"

Later the guinea pigs got a phone call from Zoey, telling them that Adam had called to tell her that he had to work all night.

"I'll be back in like half an hour, guys!" Zoey told them. "Get ready for the dinner of a lifetime, I bought pizza!"

Back at the office, it was the end of the work day for Kevin and Becky and Balthazar had returned to start his night of work with Adam.

"Have fun!" Kevin called, his tone sarcastic and sassy.

As soon as he and Becky left the office, they headed back to Kevin's apartment where they had costumes ready for their mission.

"Now we really are the fashion police!" Kevin grinned as they put on their police costumes.

"Lets go get those guinea pigs!" Becky exclaimed.

The pair made their way over to Adam's apartment.

"Right, so you make sure Adam doesn't come back to his room." Kevin confirmed with Becky.

"Good luck!" She grinned.

Kevin took the elevator up to where Balthazar had said Adam's room was.

"I bet there's so much ugly clothes there." He thought to himself as he arrived at the floor.

He knocked on the door and waited.

Inside, the guinea pigs looked confused.

"Who would be knocking at this time?" Bertha looked worried.

"I don't know." Said Zoey. "But you should hide, just in case it's that bald guy again."

The guinea pigs returned to their hiding spot under the bed.

Zoey opened the door to see Kevin standing there.

"You are definitely NOT bald." Zoey said.

"Um, yeah." Kevin looked at her weirdly. "I'd have died if I was."

"Haha, you're funny!" Zoey grinned.

"Anyway, I have reason to believe that someone in this building is keeping hoards of drugs." Kevin lied. "I need to ask you a set of questions, in case you have seen anything suspicious, we're asking everyone."

"Oh! Well of course! Come in!" Zoey welcomed him in.

"Sit down!" She gestured to a chair.

"Ew, that's an interesting pattern for a chair." Kevin rolled his eyes.

"Um, yeah that's my aunts! I hate it!" Zoey replied, nervously.

"Of course." Kevin was his usual sassy self.

"So what did you need to ask me?" Zoey leaned in close.

"Basically, have you seen anybody who seemed to be under the influence of LSD?" Kevin asked, looking around the apartment for any sign of the guinea pigs.

"I don't think so." Zoey replied.

"Ugh, this is probably pointless!" Kevin was impatient to find them. "Have you seen anything suspicious and druggy before I even bother asking the other questions."

"No. Not really." Zoey sounded disappointed. "But you should stay!"

"Why?" Kevin asked, confused but pleased that he may have the chance to search the place.

"Um... So you can have a little break?" Zoey flirted.

"Fine." Kevin agreed, unsure of her behaviour. "Where's your bathroom?"

"Up the hall to the left!" She smiled and decided to make coffee for him while she was waiting.

Kevin headed straight to the open door of the bedroom, it was likely they would be hidden in there.

The guinea pigs had recognized his voice and in shock and terror had back into the furthest corner under the bed.

Kevin looked around for them, little did he know in the other room, Zoey was confused, she hadn't heard a door open to the bathroom and decided to follow him.

"What are you doing in here?" She leaned against the door frame. "Perhaps you got curious...?"

"Thank god!" Buster hissed. "She's gonna distract him!"

"Isn't he gay though?" Joey replied.

"Um, yeah, my friend was thinking of maybe getting an apartment here and she wanted to know more about them!" Kevin tried.

"Nice try, we both know what we want!" Zoey closed in on him.

"Do we really though? Like really? Cause I feel like there's been some miscommunication." Kevin sighed, this hadn't been the first time that a girl had tried to flirt with him but this was Adam's girlfriend wasn't it?

"Just shut up already!" Zoey grinned, grabbing him and passionately making out with him.

"WHAT?!" Kevin exclaimed, pushing her away.

"Don't try and pretend you're surprised!" Zoey kissed him again.

"GAY!" He shouted.

"What!" Now Zoey was confused.

"ME!" Kevin replied. "I AM GAY, SO BACK OFF, BITCH!"

"Well... That was unexpected." Zoey murmured.

"Really?! Was it REALLY?!" Kevin said sassily.

"You were flirting with me earlier?" Zoey insisted.

"That was just you, honey!" Kevin bitchslapped her and stormed out.

"Woah, Zoey you're such a good actor!" Buster grinned.

"Was she really acting though?" Joey muttered.

"I can't believe he was gay!" Zoey still looked confused.

"Yeah! Haha! He works for Balthazar!" Buster explained.

"Wait what?! I mean yeah of course!" Zoey high fived him. "That was a close call, guys!"

"Too close!" Joey agreed.

"You guys are spending the night in here and I'm locking the door!" Zoey decided.

"Damn!" Buster breathed.

"Yeah boy!" Joey winked at Bertha, Agnes would be sleeping alone tonight!

Downstairs, Kevin had arrived back to Becky.

"No guinea pigs?" She looked disappointed.

"No guinea pigs." Kevin was still shocked. "But lets just say Adam's girlfriend tried to cuck him tonight."

"I'm gonna have to hear this story!" Becky grinned. "But we're also gonna need another plan, Balthazar is not getting those guinea pigs before us!"


	14. Bertha's Body is a Wonderland

Another night was passing at Adam's and it was no longer the same as it had been. They'd all been so certain that it was all going to plan but when Kevin had turned up at their apartment, it seemed that perhaps they knew more than they were letting on.

After Kevin had left, Zoey had made sure that all the doors were locked and secured and the guinea pigs had been allowed to sleep in the master bedroom, on the floor of course.

"She sure does breathe at night." Buster whispered to Joey, they had both found it hard to sleep so decided to have a bit of bro-time before attempting to again.

"Well, what did you think? She'd die at night and stop breathing?!" Joey giggled, his bro was always so far away in the land of love, whether it was Bertha or some other hot girl, there was always romance on the brain.

"No, that's not what I mean." Buster rolled his eyes, still not meeting Joey's, fixated on the up and down movements of the sleeping girl's chest. "I just enjoy watching her breathing, the heaving of her chest is really relaxing."

"Whatever you say, bro!" Joey said. "But what about Bertha? Or even that Agnes?"

"Bertha? You know how we are! She was using me for my body and leading me on, and now she's getting a taste of her own medicine!" Buster spat, viciously, thinking back to the events of the day, it had been fun to see her tricks not working but pretending he didn't love her, God did it sting.

"Look, Buster, Bro, I shouldn't tell you this but, Bertha - she kinda spoke about you today." Joey felt guilty for betraying Bertha like this but it was the only to stop Buster's vagabondic eyes from wandering too far away from their home.

"She did?" Buster's eyes met Joey's for the first time since the conversation had started.

"She said she was only playing hard to get, she thought you knew, she thought it was some thing that you two had!"

"WhamBAM thank you GRAN!" Buster exclaimed, pumping his muscles in ecstasy. "I can't believe I thought she didn't love me!"

"What about Agnes?" Joey prayed that that was over too, he hated that scaly bitch.

"Agnes?" Buster smiled, wistfully. "Agnes is like the present, you are never truly there - not even for a second - before it becomes the past."

"If Agnes is the past, then what's Bertha?" Joey asked, he really knew he was setting Buster up for a good, romantic line. Perfect.

"Bertha, well, Bertha is the future, _my_ future." Buster gave Joey a trademark lazy smile.

Joey got chills.

Buster, despite the situation, slept well that night.

When he woke up, there was not one but two sleeping bodies on the bed. Adam had returned while they were sleeping.

He watched for a while and wondered if they would feel sorrow in the morning when they realized they had gone the whole night without making love. He decided he would make sure that they could have the house to themselves for a while that day, so they could make up for the lost sex. In his mind he hoped that Adam would've done the same for him and Bertha. His thoughts turned to the reoccurring fantasy of having hot, steamy sex with her.

All the things he could do to her were endless, a list of acts not to be spoken of outside of the bedroom. Agnes would've liked that.

"Damnit, why am I thinking about Agnes?" He cursed, although deep down he didn't blame himself for allowing her tall, slender, scaly figure to join the pair in the bed of his dreams.

It was the weekend so luckily, Adam had the day off but the same could not be said for Becky and Kevin, who were back at the office.

"I can't believe Adam's girlfriend actually tried to cheat on him!" Becky was still laughing at the previous nights escapades.

"Don't." Kevin groaned, he too was recounting the traumatic experience. "I'm even offended that she thought that if I was straight, she would fit my standards."

"What are you two talking about?" Balthazar entered the room, bringing with him an indescribable stench. Perhaps it was describable: rotten garbage, cellotape, cat hair and jumping beans.

"Excuse me?" Kevin was back at it with his sassy remarks.

"You two! Always chattering away but never telling me what it's about! Like two useless budgerigars!" Balthazar spat, thick spittle formed around his gums and beyond. "'Ow do I know you aren't plotting against me?"

"Um, because we're talking about fashion!" Kevin waved one of the many fashion magazines he was flipping through in front of the bald man's face.

"Wha'ever you say, twink." He gave a sly smile, a smile that seemed to say he knew more than he let on but he didn't. To him, there was less truth to his accusations than there is truth to The Walrus and the Carpenter. He thought there was no way he would ever be betrayed, not when he had as much power as he did, and gas, speaking of which, he needed the toilet again.

"Do you think he's on to us?" Becky asked, once Balthazar had retreated to the room he knew best.

"No way!" Kevin reassured her. "He's just trying to intimidate us, and failing! #RuPaul'ed."

Back at the apartment, Adam had woken up, along with the rest of the rodents, but he decided to let Zoey sleep a little longer, she was his queen after all.

Joey soon filled him in with the events of the night before.

"Wow! I'm so proud of my queen's quick thinking there! I would've freaked! Too bad she didn't know Kevin is gay! But it still worked!" Adam was hyped.

"Yeah, about that, I've been meaning to talk to you about something else she didn't know, like the fact she didn't even know he worked for Baltha-"

Joey was cut off.

"Me and, me and my girlfriend WILL ROCK YOU!" Adam stomp-stomp-clapped his way around the room.

Joey lost his train of thought and joined in with Adam's cool parody of Queen's hit song "We Will Rock You".

Buster came in to see what the ruckus was, hoping it was a Black Eyed Peas dance party.

"Where is Will. I. Am?" He frowned.

"There are other bands!" Adam grinned.

"Where is Will. I. Am?" Buster repeated.

"No where! This is pure Freddy!" Adam replied

"Where is Will. I. Am?" Buster asked again, although he knew the answer, Will. I. Am was exactly two smug strides away.

And in exactly two smug strides, Buster had arrived at the speaker and had pressed play to blast out "Boom Boom Pow".

It shook the house.

The vibrations traveled through the circuits, up into the carpet and floor and then they came pulsing through the guinea pig's veins.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Buster roared, feeling the music fill up his body to the brim, he was almost bursting.

The rest of the guinea pigs soon joined them, feeling the beat slam into their system and possess them with spirit of sound.

Bertha felt as if her body was being electrocuted and caressed at the same time and there weren't many songs that could have that affect on her body. Whatever it was, it felt damn good. She could feel it forcing her to smash open her legs as wide as rodently possible, leaving her splayed and vulnerable on the dance floor, she was open for anyone to give her a good time.

"Buster!" She called in agony and pleasure. "I need to close my legs!"

The music was too loud, she found herself opening even more, as if her whole body was being stretched inside out, ripping open from her core.

On the coffee table, Joey had no issues, the vibrations were just enough for him to be able to surf them, they allowed him to balance easily and smoothly without too much rocking and it was super bro-tastic. Somehow the music never had the same affect on him that it had on Buster and Bertha.

Similarly, Marley was having no problems and just sat, docile, enjoying the sound waves as if they were smoke from a cigarette. As well, Princess danced normally, slightly sexually but just in the way you may find a girl dancing like at a nightclub after a couple drinks, nothing like Bertha.

Harold, of course, had seen it all before and heard it all a million times over, so he just danced as usual and had a couple pints.

Dip and Dot though, had a similar reaction to Bertha and Buster, the vibrations of the music had clasped onto their milky buttocks and pulled them this way and that, opening them and closing them, in a pleasurable fashion.

"Buster! Help!" Bertha continued to cry for help, she too now had the music take control of her ass, shaking it this way and that. "I can't stop my body! It's the vibrations!"

Buster suddenly noticed the damsel in distress and ran to help.

"Bertha, you can do it!" He called. "Believe in your body, it can do anything YOU want it to do, the music can't do anything, it's all up to you!"

She focused on his words, taking them in, one by one. Soon she felt the sensation fading as she began to regain control. Now she could move her hips how she wanted and nothing less.

Meanwhile, Adam had see Zoey, assuming the music had woken her up, and of course, it had.

"Adam, honey, I wish you hadn't worked that night shift." She looked up at him. "We missed out on a night of lovemaking."

"I know, babe, I know." Adam was also feeling sad about it. "Maybe the guinea pigs will go out today and we could make up for the lost time."

"Maybe." Zoey smiled, hopefully.

As if on cue, Buster walked in.

"You wondering if you'll be able to make love today?" He asked.

"Yep, you got it, little dude." Adam grimaced.

"I'll take the crew out, don't worry about it." Buster reassured the man.

"You mean that?" Zoey said.

"Of course I do. You deserve it." Buster replied. "In fact, I think we'll go now."

"But be careful!" Zoey warned him and Adam nodded. "Especially after yesterday."

Buster returned to the dance party and turned off the music.

"Right, guys, we're going to the big city!" He announced.

"Wooo!" They chorused.

After taking the elevator, the crew arrived at the bottom on the apartment building, ready to take a step into the unknown.

"Don't you think people will question a bunch of rodents wandering around?" Joey looked a bit worried, and hungry.

"No." Buster scowled. "It's the big city, bitch."

And it was a big city, in fact a big city would be an understatement. It was New York City.

"Where to first then?" Princess asked. "And no where icky!"

"Central park!" Buster yelled, he pumped his body up real good and ran, his muscles clenching in distaste for the sudden movement, but obliging nonetheless. The others followed.

Central park was a haven for guinea pigs and other animals alike, it was going to be one adventure.

Back at Balthazar's, Kevin had had an epiphany.

"I know where they are!" He exclaimed, Balthazar had left to get some red meats from the butcher's.

"Yeah, duh! They're at the apartment!" Becky rolled her eyes.

"Of course, but not right now they're not!" He explained.

"What do you mean? How could you know this?"

"Right, so last night, Adam's girlfriend tried to cheat on him and right now is probably feeling pretty guilty about what happened, so what is she gonna do as soon as Adam returned?" Kevin asked.

"I don't know, sleep with him!?" Becky replied. "But what does this have to do with the guinea pigs?"

"Precisely!" Kevin grinned. "And that's why the guinea pigs are not in the apartment!"

"Why wouldn't the guinea pigs be in the house when they're having sex?" Becky laughed.

"It's a tiny apartment, so it's only polite." He said.

"Polite! They're guinea pigs?" Becky wasn't sure exactly what he was trying to get at.

"Yes but these are no ordinary guinea pigs." Kevin said. "They can talk."

"You've been watching too much RuPaul, I think it's rotted your brain." Becky replied.

"No, I'm being for real." He said. "Didn't Balthazar show you?"

"Show me what?"

"The footage! God, Becky! I'll have to explain then." Kevin sighed. "When Balthazar went into the apartment to find them, he didn't "smell" them, as he put it, he just checked the security footage of the building. There is extensive footage of the guinea pigs going around and acting like humans, talking and shit, it's super creepy and totally unfabulous!"

"Wait what?!" Becky exclaimed. "Isn't this like a ground breaking discovery? Why haven't we told anyone!"

"Because of the money!" Kevin said. "If the company we're selling them to knows that they can talk they wouldn't buy them, they might as well just get some hairy humans if they want something that screams and shouts while you turn it into a coat."

"Good point, anyway, where are they then?" Becky asked.

"They've hit the streets." Kevin grinned.

On said streets, the guinea pigs had reached their destination and the grass of Central Park was feeling amazing against their recently calloused paws that they'd acquired from stepping on the concrete for too long.

"Woah! It's massive!" Joey breathed, chomping on some chili chowder.

"What did you expect, dumbass?" Buster spat.

"Lets explore!" Bertha smiled.

"Ew! My fur is gonna get mucky!" Princess grimaced.

"You can ride me if you want!" Joey offered.

"Um... Ew... No!" Princess looked at him in disgust. "You wish!"

"I truly do." Joey let one rip, the chili chowder was kicking in.

Not too far away, Kevin and Becky had left the office with the excuse that they were going to talk to some local "guinea pig dealers", an excuse that Balthazar had swallowed whole, like a large Cumberland sausage.

"Where would you go if you were a guinea pig?" Becky asked.

"I would still like fashion if I was a guinea pig so probably the mall." Kevin replied, flipping mindlessly through a copy of Vogue.

"Yeah but these guinea pigs are shitty pigs so where would they go?" Becky looked around hoping to see some sort of sign as to where they could be.

"I don't know, some mud pit or something or a park...Central Park!" Kevin exclaimed.

"Of course!" Becky grinned and they headed over to the park, but not before stopping to get a Starbucks.

The Starbucks they had decided on had just had a new renovation and was looking pretty spick and span.

"Wow, I love the new seats they've got!" Becky gestured over at the spanking new couches.

"I can just picture myself sitting on them, flipping through fashion magazines!" Kevin said, in awe.

"It wouldn't hurt too much if we just... Stayed a little longer here, right?" Becky looked longingly at the seats.

"Exactly what I was thinking." Kevin smiled. "Plus, guinea pigs are super slow, they probably haven't even reached the ground floor of their apartment yet."

So with that, they had decided that they would stay for a little longer than planned.

Kevin ordered Pumpkin Spice Lattes for both of them and picked out a couple fashion magazines to flip through.

Little did they know, the guinea pigs were already at Central Park and they were going wild.

"Yeehaw!" Joey was racing round on the soft, green grass.

"Steady on, cowboy!" Buster called from his spot under the shade of a bush.

"Joey is always so crazy." Bertha said, Buster was unsure if she was complaining or making a loving comment.

"That's why he's my best bro!" He grinned.

"Yes. I guess so." Bertha watched Joey throw up some chili chowder.

"So, Bertha," Buster slouched, arching his back to create a sharp and masculine figure. "Wanna take a stroll?"

"I don't know, Buster, you might take advantage of me among the trees." Bertha a seductive wiggle of her hips.

"Or I might bash your skull in with rocks the second you turn your head." Buster spat, the words fell like poison from his mouth.

He knew that she liked him now but that didn't mean he was gonna let her treat him like that. Take advantage of her? How dare she! He'd planned on taking her through the leaves and telling her all his hopes and dreams and regrets.

"If she's still gonna pretend she doesn't love me and only wants to use me for my body then I'm still gonna pretend that she means nothing to me." Buster thought to himself.

"How about you take that stroll on your own?" Bertha asked. "Then I can watch you leave and that's always a treat."

"Nah, I'm gonna go be crazy with my best bro!" Buster waved at Joey and ran over to join him.

"Well fine!" Bertha yelled. "I think I might take a stroll then because there's no way I can relax with you maniacs acting like psychos!"

Buster rolled his eyes, ignoring her as he ran in circles with Joey.

"Stupid garcons!" Bertha strutted away, making sure Buster got a quick look of her ass to remind him of what he could've had before she disappeared into the trees.

"Right, I'm sure they're here!" Kevin said as he and Becky approached the park.

"Probably doing more of that pathetic dancing." Becky smirked.

"I always hated that, I thought they were having seizures or some sort of fit." Kevin remembered the first time he'd seen them move in that way, he had to stop himself from throwing up a little.

"Lets go to the woods." Becky decided. "I feel like they would go in there and eat leaves or something."

In the woods, Bertha felt small, tiny, minuscule and meaningless among the trees which towered above her.

"I can't believe he hasn't followed me yet." Bertha said aloud. "Maybe Joey was wrong, maybe he really doesn't care about me."

She came across a small puddle and looked at her sexy reflection.

"No way, anyone would follow me here." She stroked her curves with her paws, feeling each contour of her body.

"Well would you look at that!" Bertha looked up.

Two figures were standing above her, she hadn't noticed them approaching when she'd been feeling herself.

"You actually were right!" Kevin said. "That was pretty easy, I'm sure the others are near by."

Bertha froze, it was Balthazar's workers! How could she have wandered off on her own! How did they know they were there!?

Before Kevin could wrap his perfectly manicured hands around her soft, sensual, chestnutty body, she bolted through the trees.

"For RuPaul's sake!" Kevin exclaimed as he and Becky ran after the guinea pig.

"Where do I go!" Bertha thought to herself. "I can't lead them back to the others!"

"Ew! I can't believe it's making us run!" Becky said.

"I know right, it's totally not fabulous!" Kevin cried, regretting the fact he was wearing designer clothes.

Bertha noticed a pile of leaves under a tree, she could hide under there!

Using her thick, curvy body to power herself she leaped into the leaves and felt herself falling. Falling down and down and down.

"Where the actual Vogue did that guinea pig go?!" Kevin looked around.

"It's like it disappeared into thin air!" Becky said.

"Wait, maybe she's hiding, like under those leaves or something!" Kevin pointed at the pile of leaves that she'd jumped into.

They walked over and Kevin stuck his hand into it.

"If this ruins my manicure I will die!" He said as he felt around for anything furry.

"Any luck?" Becky asked, praying for Kevin's beautiful manicured hands to be safe from damage.

"Nope, it's weird though, I can't feel where the ground is." Kevin dug deeper. "Wait I think I got something!"

As he attempted to grab what he'd felt, he realised he'd lent in too far and toppled into whatever hid beneath the leaves.

"Kevin!" Becky screamed. "What the hell! How am I gonna start a fashion business now!"

She stood up and decided to try and get some help, maybe Balthazar would know what to do.

Buster was on the other side of the woods, tired out from running around with Joey.

"Where's Bertha?" Princess asked, noticing her gal pal was missing.

"She went off in a Spanish Rage." Buster answered.

It had been a spicy rage indeed.

"Are you sure it was a good idea to let her go off on her own?" Joey asked. "What if Balthazar finds her?"

"Yeah right!" Buster did a roundhouse kick. "As if that bald butthole is gonna know we're here!"

"That's true." Joey was satisfied. "Wanna go get some food?"

Bertha hid the round with a thud, she felt like she'd been falling for an impossibly long time.

"Where am I?" She took in her surroundings.

The place was strange and certainly didn't look like the bottom of a hole.

The ground was covered in snow and was densely populated in strange chestnutty trees that towered far above her.

"This can't be Central Park, how is it snowing?" She wondered if she had hit her head on her way down.

Suddenly there was a noise and she whipped around just to see someone fall out the sky.

"Snow?! You've got to be kidding me!? This stuff is designer!" Bertha recognised it was Kevin's voice.

He sat up and noticed Bertha.

"WHAT THE HELL! WHAT THE HELL?" He screamed. "WHY ARE YOU SO BIG?!"

"What do you mean, faggot?" Bertha was offended, she was curvy and sexy not big.

"Oh damn, no, no, I knew you could talk but it's still creepy as hell." Kevin looked at her in disgust. "I must be dreaming or something, why are you so massive? Oh my God!"

"Massive!" Bertha exclaimed, striding over. "How am I-"

Then she realised. He was right. He didn't just look smaller because he was far away. She had grown. Grown to the height of an average woman but still a guniea pig.

"Please don't come near me!" Kevin jumped up and backed away from the large guinea pig.

"I am gonna crush you like a bug, faggot!" She roared.

"You're not that big." Kevin said but still ran away.

"So, now that I'm human-sized, lets see how these curves are!" Bertha grinned and smoothed down the fur around her hips, they were larger than life.

"Impressive." She murmured.

"Indeed." Bertha jumped, this voice was not Kevin's.

She turned around to see a squirrel standing there, he was tall, dark and smelt like coal on a fire mingled with the sour taste of fresh blackberries.

"Who are you?" She breathed, he was also large for his species, taller than her and muscular too.

"I'm Gumb, you must be a foreigner in this land." He replied, approaching her, allowing her to take in his musky, almost metallic smell.

"I am, I don't know how I got here!" Bertha felt safe with his strong, muscular arms."I was being chased by some humans who are after be and my friends and I wanted to hide under these leaves and ended up falling into this place!"

"What are these humans you speak of?" Gumb looked confused.

"You don't know what a human is?" Bertha asked. "In my world, they're the ones in power, they control our world and everything in it."

"I don't like the sound of these humans." Gumb sounded angry. "No single species should have control over a land."

"They're not all bad, some are really kind and helpful, like the ones who rescued us." She explained. "But it's no wonder they control the world, they've built basically everything in it, they're very intelligent but they don't realise we can speak and do anything like they can."

"Why don't you rise above them?" Gumb said.

"Because they have weapons, and we guinea pigs are tiny in comparison, you too, they could just step on you in our world, although it's different here."

"What do you mean?" Gumb looked at her, intensely.

"Here, we are the same size as humans." Bertha said. "One of the bad humans who want to turn me and my friends into clothing followed me here."

"If I see one of these humans," Gumb spat. "I will kill them."

"Maybe don't do that." Bertha said, although she knew he would.

"So, my beautiful princess, where shall I take you?" Gumb offered her his arm.

"I want to find my friends again." She said, regretting her last words to Buster.

"Why would you want to return to that evil world you speak of?" Gumb said. "Come, let me show you the kingdom."

Bertha took his silky, grey, muscular, pulsing arm and followed.

Kevin, meanwhile, was not coping so well. The thick snow was not only making it hard for him to walk - this had not affected Bertha as her wide paws made it easy to tread on the snow - but it was also ruining his designer shoes.

"This can't be real." He thought as he continued to trudge through the snow, it was freezing, his stylish and fashionable clothes may have been amazing quality and perfectly constructed but they weren't keeping him warm in the slightest.

"Damnit, I wish we had just stayed at Starbucks on those shiny, new couches!" He exclaimed. "What I would do to just flip through a fashion magazine right now!"

He considered giving up and just sitting down but the thought of freezing to death in this strange place was not his first choice for how he would die. It wasn't very fabulous at all.

Buster and the crew had arrived at a hot dog stand and were waiting for all heads to be turned so they could sneak a couple sausages away and maybe some buns.

"We have enough buns with Bertha in our group!" Buster grinned.

"Yeah, well Bertha isn't here and some of us don't want greasy sausages!" Princess gave a pout.

"We can do it easily!" Dip and Dot piped up, they were quite skilled in the area.

"Take it away, girlies!" Buster slapped them both on their pert buttocks, they squealed and scurried up the side of the stand.

It was like magic, one second they were on the ground, the next they were twirling through the air, food in hands and not one human had noticed.

They landed beside the others once again, the impact causing a ripple to spread up their furry derrieres.

"Jackpot!" Joey laughed, grabbing a hot dog and swallowing it whole.

"Careful Joey or you'll be doing an instant turtle heading!" Buster warned his bro, laughing alongside him.

"You wish you were joking!" Joey high fived his bro.

"Ew! Gross!" Princess squealed.

"What's turtle heading?" Harold asked.

"You do NOT wanna know!" Princess grimaced.

"Okay, jokes aside, where actually is Bertha?" Buster said, suddenly, realising that she'd been gone quite a while now.

"Who cares!" Marley said, his eyes a light red. "She was just dragging the vibe down, she never can go with the flo."

"You take that back!" Buster snarled, his fists ready.

"Woah, Buster calm down, bud!" Joey looked concerned, burping to try and break the tension.

"You're right, Joey, sorry Marley I'm just a bit worked up because me and Bertha had an argument and I haven't seen her since." Buster felt Joey's hot doggy burp wash over him like a wave, soothing him.

"S'cool, mon." Marley gave a smile.

"Do you think we should try and find her?" Joey asked.

"When she wants to be found, I'm sure she'll find us." Buster looked up at the sky, he had been worrying too much, she'd barely been gone an hour, she probably just needed to calm down.

Becky rushed into the office, Balthazar was sitting his chair, eating red meats.

"Balthazar!" She said, out of breath from running. "Kevin is gone!"

"Why do you think I care where that twink is?" Balthazar stood up, red meats hanging in strips in between each tooth.

"Because, wherever Kevin is, one of the guinea pigs is too!" Becky explained.

"I think I need to hear the whole story." Balthazar's eyes gleamed at the word guinea pig.

"Well basically, when we went to see that guinea pig dealer, they, um, didn't turn up so we went to Central Park on the way back to, um, get you some red meats from the new red meat stand, and then we saw one of the guinea pigs in the woods, so we, um , chased it and it hid in these leaves so of course we tried to get it but it had disappeared down some hidden hole and then Kevin fell in too!" She lied.

"Oh really?" Balthazar said sleazily. "Then why didn't you just say you found one of the guinea pigs, instead of making me think it had anything to do with that twink?"

"Because Kevin is down there too?" Becky replied.

"That is irrelevant, the guinea pigs are what I'm 'ere for, and if we happen to find him too then that's a bonus, I don't really feel like losing a worker." Balthazar snarled. "Take me to this hole!"

He stood up, belly popping out of his shirt, it seemed to have grown a little after the consumption of so many red meats.

"And show me that red meats stand while you're at it." He added.

"It burnt down." Becky replied.

Balthazar growled in anger, "I guess I'll have to order some more from online then."

The pair left the building and Becky was sure Balthazar was trying to mark his territory as every now and then he would stop and let one rip.

"Can you like stop doing that?" She said after the 16th time.

"I'm your boss remember, I can do what I wants to." He squeezed a little ripper out.

"Fine, but the longer you take doing this, the less likely we are to get Kevin, I mean, the guinea pig back." She reminded him.

They did speed up a little bit after that but the gas was still happening, if anything the farts had gotten stronger now he had been made to do less.

"Quality over quantity." He gave a gold tooth grin as he let a massive one out as they arrived at Central Park.

In the strange land, Bertha had travelled far with Gumb at her side, they'd finally reached the kingdom and it was certainly something.

"It's... It's beautiful!" Bertha gasped.

"Just like you." Gumb smiled, he'd taken quite the fancy to her and her body.

He felt as if there was a strong connection between them but also as if there was a connection between her and the land. He was certain there was something special about her.

"I can't believe this is real!" Bertha stared at the castle that stood before her, it seemed as if it had been sculpted from ice, fitting for the snowy environment. "It's like something out of a story."

"I'm glad you like it here, for this is my castle." Gumb turned to her. "I am a king in this land."

"A king?" Bertha was shocked.

"A king." He nodded. "Now follow me."

Gumb took her through the snow towards the castle.

"Your majesty!" A red squirrel approached them as they arrived at the entrance.

"Charity!" Gumb greeted her.

"We've missed you here." She smiled.

"How long have you been gone?" Bertha asked him.

"Only a week, I've been out visiting my subjects." He replied. "Charity, this is Bertha, she's not from this world, I found her lost in the forest, she's in danger in her world and so she will take refuge with us."

Charity looked at Bertha, eyeing her up and down. She looked quite disappointed when she noticed Bertha's lower quarters, her thick thighs and luscious hips and ass.

"How do we know she is trustworthy?" Charity looked doubtful.

"Because she is just and true." Bertha smiled at Gumb. "If I trust her, so should you."

He turned to Bertha, "This is Charity, she is a childhood friend of mine."

Now it was Bertha's turn to look her up and down. She may have been lacking in the downstairs but good God were her breasts large, they were massive and tender and soft on the eyes.

Charity noticed her looking and smirked at her.

"I see your friend enjoys my bosoms as much as you do, your majesty." She laughed, spitefully.

"Ugh, I wasn't looking at your saggy tits!" Bertha snarled.

"Woah, woah, ladies!" Gumb said. "I'm disappointed in both of you, I didn't think you were the sort to behave this way. There's enough of me for the both of you."

Neither of them responded.

"I will show you my home." Gumb lead Bertha inside.

It was even more beautiful inside, although it was very cold.

"Take me to your bedroom." Bertha demanded.

"Patience, Bertha, it's still early." Gumb gave a her a warm smile.

"Of course." Bertha returned it.

"I don't get that many visitors here, we are quite isolated and alone in the castle, that's why I like to visit my subjects often - so I don't go mad in here." He told her as they walked through the many rooms.

"What about Charity? Doesn't she keep you company?" Bertha hoped it was a no.

"Yes, of course, but sometimes I need fresh faces, like yours." He cupped his muscular, flexing hands around her smooth and chestnutty face.

"I could love you, you know." He said. "If you stayed."

"I'm sure I could too," Bertha replied, she didn't want to meet his eyes as she thought of Buster back home. "But I have friends I need to get back to."

She wondered if they were worried about her, if they'd come looking for her yet.

"If they are true friends, why are you alone?" He asked, his hands falling to her ample bosom.

Bertha could not find an answer and therefore asked again, "Take me to your bedroom."

This time, he complied.

Kevin had somehow also reached the castle, he looked at it in confusion.

"What the actual hell is this place?" He thought as he approached the icy palace. "This is pretty fabulous though."

Back in Central Park, Balthazar and Becky had arrived at the tree.

"It was there!" She said, pointing at where the pile of leaves had been, now it was just the normal ground.

"You jellied eel! You turkey!" Balthazar roared. "You lied to me!"

"I swear I didn't!" Becky exclaimed. "It was right there."

"I've 'ad enough of the dung!" Balthazar was stomping around, swearing and raving.

"I promise you it was here!" She tried again.

"You know what's here, MY GAS!" His face had gone an ugly shade of purple, contrasting with the red of his bulbous nose. "My gas shall be here in a second!"

Becky knew to run as soon as these words were uttered, Balthazar was pulsing and veins were visible, his face was screwed up, ready to release the barking spider of a lifetime.

Similarly, Adam had just released his load.

Becky reached the outside of the woods, she didn't know what she was gonna do, Kevin was her Gay Best Friend! She couldn't lose him!

"Maybe the other guinea pigs will know what to do?" She thought. "It wouldn't hurt to try."

Luckily for her, the guinea pigs were making a big song and dance, they were doing a live version of "Boom Boom Pow" and were somehow being ignored by the rest of the public.

"Everything to do with catching these guinea pigs seems so easy. I guess they can just be really predictable." Becky walked over to the dancing gang.

"Okay, quickly, before you run away, I need to tell you something!" She tried to get it out quickly before they zoomed away in fright.

"RUN!" Joey screamed as he noticed her presence.

"I said BEFORE YOU RUN AWAY!" Becky sighed.

"Okay, guys, let's hear what she's got to say." Buster decided, maybe it was something important.

"This is so aggressively a trap." Joey rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, it's so obvious, Buster." Princess agreed.

"Fine, you guys can leave but I'm staying to hear her out." Buster said.

There was a pause before the other guinea pigs decided they too would stay.

"Basically, your friend like fell down some hole and now the hole has disappeared." Becky explained. "Any clues as to how and why?"

"BERTHA!" Buster roared. "CURSE YOU GODS, YOU TYRANNICAL RULERS, HOW DARE YOU SNATCH HER AND TAKE HER FROM ME, DON'T YOU HAVE ENOUGH? DOES THIS WORLD NOT SATISFY YOU? MUST YOU ALWAYS NEED MORE? WHAT IS IT YOU DESIRE? I WOULD GIVE YOU EVERYTHING IF YOU RETURN TO ME!"

"Woah, calm down, weirdo." Becky said.

"Yeah, don't even know if this is true yet." Princess said. "How would she know and why would she tell us?"

"Because we were chasing her in the woods and I'm telling you because Kevin also disappeared down the same hole." Becky told them.

"Maybe it was God punishing him for being gay so the ground swallowed him up and took him to hell." Buster looked up at the sky.

"Then why would Bertha go missing as well?" Joey asked, finding a flaw in Buster's otherwise credible theory.

"I don't know, sex before marriage? Sexual perversion?" Buster gave a couple reasons of the top of his head, but he could think of more, Bertha - although the love of his life - was quite the sinner.

"Look, this has nothing to do with God," Becky sighed. "I just need your help alright."

"Fine, but if this is a lie then God will punish you." Buster said. "Also, how come you aren't shocked about us talking?"

"Oh, cause Kevin told me earlier," Becky laughed. "Balthazar has a bunch of footage of you guys acting like humans in the pet shop."

"Damnit!" Buster cursed. "I love shocking humans with this new information, especially girls."

"Why especially girls?" She asked.

"It's hot." Buster admitted.

"I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that," Becky looked disgusted. "What do you think we should do?"

"How about you take us to where you last saw them?" Suggested Harold.

And so the strange team set off on their mission.

Balthazar was still in the woods but he had decided to try and find a source of water, that way he could bathe in the fresh springs.

"What is that sound?" He thought to himself, hearing some music not too far off.

It sounded suspiciously like "More Than Words" by Extreme, a song he had not heard for a long time.

He felt himself being drawn towards it, almost as if he was no longer in control of his body.

His gammy feet dragged over the soil as he found the magic of the song became stronger.

Soon he had left the woods and was out on the grass again, and he could see a large gathering.

At the front of the gathering, two people were sat, singing "More Than Words", one with a guitar in hands.

Before he even knew what he was doing, Balthazar had pushed through the crowd and had begun dancing.

His belly slid around like melting butter on a frying pan, filling the atmosphere. His body moves in time to the music, his hips dipped and turned as if they were trying to dodge the sound waves and his buttocks had a mind of their own.

_What would you do if my heart was torn in two_   
_More than words to show you feel_   
_That your love for me is real_

The lyrics felt real.

While Balthazar danced, Bertha made love to Gumb on his bed made of ice, it was slippy and slidey, the tension was so hot the bed started to melt, adding to the sex appeal, drenching their fur in freezing cold water.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and then before they could gather themselves, it opened and Charity stepped in.

"Your majesty, there is somebody in the castle grounds." She said, she stared at Bertha who was still panting.

"What do you mean?" Gumb sat up. "Who is it?"

"I-I don't know." Charity said. "He only has fur on his head and he's wearing some sort of clothing all over his body!"

"Kevin." Bertha breathed.

"Kevin?" Gumb and Charity asked in unison.

"The human that followed me here." Bertha had worry dripping down her sexy eyes.

"HUMAN?!" Gumb stood up.

"What is a human?" Charity asked.

"Your tiny brain would never understand." Bertha snapped and she and Gumb rushed passed her.

"I'm going to slaughter him." Gumb screeched, his voice guttural and strong like his muscles.

"Can't you just not?" Bertha whispered, she didn't really want him to get killed, she hated him but he wasn't Balthazar or anything, heck, she probably wouldn't even kill Balthazar.

"Humans have ruined your world." Gumb spat. "I will snap his neck."

"Gumb, don't be such a.. a.." She began.

"A what, Bertha?!" He yelled.

"A MONSTER!" Bertha stood in front of him, blocking his way.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND." Gumb pushed her aside. "You have been controlled by these creatures your whole life, you let them keep you in cages."

"You can't just go around killing people!" Bertha protested, following him down the stairs.

"I am the King. This is my land." He turned and looked her dead in the eyes. "You cannot stop me. I will end your suffering."

"You're acting as bad as humans do!" Bertha said. "Buster would never do this!"

"I am not Buster." Gumb said and ran ahead.

Kevin was walking round the castle, not knowing whether to enter or not.

"HUUUUMAn!" Gumb strode out the entrance, his muscular body pulsating with power.

"Oh no, oh no, oh damn, what the RuPaul!" Kevin saw the squirrel running towards.

The squirrel was big, but wasn't as tall as him, it was an uncomfortable in between.

"I am the king!" He roared.

"Yeah well I'm a Queen." Kevin smirked.

"You are?" Gumb stopped in his rage for a moment.

"No, it was a gay joke." Kevin rolled his eyes.

Gumb leapt towards him in a graceful yet masculine leap.

"Um. Back off." Kevin moved away from the dark, lean, squirrel with a 10 pack.

"Never!" Gumb grabbed his arm and in one easy snap, broke it.

"Oh my RuPaul! What the HELL?!" Kevin screamed."DID YOU JUST BREAK MY ARM?!"

"I will break each bone, one by one!" Gumb roared.

"No, please don't! I'm too fabulous to die!" He cried, tears streaming down his face.

"Gumb!" Bertha ran towards the scene.

"YOU!" Kevin exclaimed. "You disgusting rodent!"

"I'm beautiful." Bertha said.

"Don't speak to this Goddess like that. She will curse the very land we stand on!" Gumb hollered.

"Will I?" Bertha looked at him, confused.

"Will you?" Kevin stopped crying for a moment.

"Of course, she will, you know nothing of her power!" Gumb looked up at the sky.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Bertha exclaimed. "I'm just a really hot guinea pig!"

"You're more than that!" Gumb replied.

With both of them distracted, Kevin began to crawl away, wincing every time he leant on his broken arm.

"What are you talking about, Gumb?" Bertha asked.

"You are a Goddess, don't play dumb." Gumb said. "You rule over our world."

"No, I don't! You must have me confused!" Bertha replied.

"You are Bertha, aren't you?" He asked.

"Yes"

"And you fell from the sky?" He continued.

"Yes."

"Then you are the Goddess of this world." Gumb said. "That is why I took you to my castle and slept with you, in the hopes you would allow me to rule hand in hand with you."

"You didn't sleep with me because I'm a beautiful, spicy piece of art?" Bertha sounded hurt.

"No, of course not! Charity is my true love." He confessed.

"Oh." Bertha felt tears welling in her eyes. "But why do you think I'm a Goddess? Kevin also fell from the sky."

"Because this world is you!" Gumb gestured to the space around them.

"What the hell do you mean?" Bertha asked, sounding spicy.

"We live upon you." Gumb explained. "And now you have come to us in mortal form."

"You LIVE on me?" Bertha exclaimed.

"Yes! The world we walk upon is your skin and the trees we live among are your fur." Gumb smiled at her. "You are a Goddess."

"But...But...How?" Bertha stuttered, realising the trees were the same chestnutty colour as her glossy, sensual fur.

"We don't know how, we don't know why, it's just the way we live and how we have lived for generations upon upon generations, since the dawn of time in fact."

"I have to go." Bertha began to run.

"Wait! I might still love you, my holy spirit!" He called after her, his muscular figure shrinking in her vision.

"When you love somebody, you will know!" Bertha ran, but she made sure he got one quick view of her shapely ass, just to remind him of what he could've had.

It wasn't long before she caught up with Kevin, who was being slowed down by the pain of his arm.

"Oh damn, no! Please get away from me, you freak of nature!" He screamed.

"Don't talk to me like that, faggot!" She replied. "The ground you walk on is my skin!"

"I didn't think talking to a guinea pig could get any weirder but here we are!" He replied with one of his classic sassy comments.

"I am this world!" She shouted

"If the ground is your skin then why is there so much snow?" He asked.

"Dandruff, everyone gets it." Bertha was not ashamed of any part of her sexy body.

Kevin threw up.

"Leaves!" Bertha suddenly noticed, there had not been any other leaves before.

She dived right in and found herself falling again.

And soon she had landed with a thud on the muddy floor of the woods in Central Park.

She was small again, but still curvy and sensual.

"It's good to be home!" She exclaimed, touching her body up and down with pleasure.

Kevin landed nearby.

"MY ARM!" Kevin cried, realising it was still broken.

"Wait, does that mean that wasn't a dream?" Bertha said aloud.

"Kevin!" Becky arrived with the guinea pigs.

"Oh my god! Becky, no it was so unfabulous! It was a massive guinea pig! A big dandruffy guinea pig!" He ran towards her.

"What happened to your arm? How did you break it? How did you get out of that hole?" Becky looked confused.

"I-I don't think I can explain it." He said. "But the guinea pigs! They're all here! We can catch them!"

But before they could even try, the guinea pigs had zoomed.

"To be honest, I couldn't really be bothered to run again." Becky admitted.

"Nope," Kevin shook his head. "Not in these shoes."

"Starbucks?" She suggested.

"Starbucks." Kevin grinned.

"Ahh... Hospital first, then Starbucks." Becky remembered his arm.

"I don't know, Becky, I don't think it's broken any more!" He exclaimed, moving his arm around normally. "Thank the Queens!"

"Woah, how does that even work!?" Becky was so confused at the whole situation.

"No idea. But now we can go straight to Starbucks."

Meanwhile, the guinea pigs were back on their way to Adam's.

"Where did you go, Bertha?" Buster asked. "Becky said you fell down a hole!"

"I did, and I went somewhere I will never forget." Bertha smiled. "It was not a good place, but it was a special place."

"I'm glad you're back anyway." Buster slapped her shapely ass.

"Me too." Bertha grinned and shook her hips in happiness.

When they arrived back at the apartment, Zoey and Adam had just finished making love.

"Nice day out?" Adam asked.

"You could say that!" Joey replied, cryptically.

"Nice day in?" Buster winked.

"In my girlfriend!" Adam highfived him.

"That's right! He was inside me!" Zoey grinned.

"Now how about some pizza!" Joey burped.

Everyone laughed.

But somewhere, Balthazar stopped dancing.

"I can't believe I let them get away." He snarled. "If Becky was telling the truth, those rats were in the same park as me and I just let them crawl away to their shithole."

"It's time for me to get serious." He decided, a gold toothed smile glinting in the sunlight. "And I know exactly how I will."


End file.
